I shall call this the sentence of disappointment. Or the sentence of broken promises. It goes thus:
I am not Martin Luther King, nor am I in the position to campaign for black rights. Mainly because a lot of people already did that a long time ago to great effect. I sometimes wonder who will be the Martin Luther King of the gay rights movement. I hope it's Neil Patrick Harris personally; my current favourite homosexual.
Anyway, while I will not be talking today at any length about rights, I do have a dream.
Smooth David, onto the point.
My dream is quite simple, and it's an idea I've had for a few months now and not really shared. Mainly because it only formed properly in my head about 45 seconds ago.
My idea for my blog in the first place, as I'm sure you know - if you don't, then have a click on those links over there --> where've you been? But anyway my idea for this blog came from a sudden fear I had that I wasn't trying everything I should be trying, in all areas of my life. I'm a 21 year old man living in London, a city which screams 'come here! Experience me!' That sounds sordid and I don't even care, I experience the hell out of this place.
I love trying things because I love discovering new places and new things to interest me and benefit my life. It's an incredibly positive way to live to be willing to give anything a try and I can only recommend it, it's up to you whether you want to follow it too.
The tricky thing is though, how to find things? Most of the time I go on a random adventure somewhere, say London, and while there something will catch my eye and I'll give it a go. The other day it was seeing One Man, Two Guv'nors. I had no plans to see it but I was walking past it, there was a friendly sign saying 'tickets for tonight!' and I walked in. I flashed my National Theatre pass and saw one of the best, funniest plays I'd ever seen for £5. On another note I want to get an FBI style flippy wallet for my NT pass. Or maybe I'll wear it as a badge on the inside of my outerwear.
My point is, on my spontaneous adventure I experienced many things, this play for instance. In the play there was a band playing between scenes. They're called 'The Craze' and they're my new favourite band and my soundtrack to writing this blog. I think it would be silly to merely go to the NT website, click on the shop and purchase their album there. I suggest instead scooting over a couple of tabs, getting yourself an entry pass. Skipping over to the tab next to it and using that badboy to see One Man, Two Guv'nors and then buy their album at home. They're amazing, they're a skiffle band with a punky, indie twang to their voices. They're like the Beatles meets Alex Day, the Youtuber formerly known as Nerimon, who I also suggest you check out.
This is my point though, not everyone has the time or the patience to go on spontaneous trips to London. As much as I think everybody should because I have a lot of fun doing that, but it would be good if there was another place I could visit, here on the internet which pointed me in the direction of The Craze, or Alex Day, or One Man, Two Guv'nors, or indeed the quirky shop I discovered the day after on a second trip to London called 'The Vintage Magazine Shop.' A place which doesn't actually provide magazines disappointingly, but instead a whole host of retro merchandise that I really wanted to spend money I don't have on. It's awesome and on Brewer Street near Leicester Square...What are you still doing here, go now! I'll wait for you to get back...
...Hiya! It's amazing isn't it? What? You went and saw a bit of spontaneous theatre too? A reader after my own heart. As I was saying though, I'd like to see a website which promoted the indie. I think indie is a vastly misunderstood term. I think a lot of people hear the word 'indie' and go 'ugh idiots in skinny jeans.' And yes, we may like our jeans slender, but they make our legs look sexy! Indie means independent, and so much is made of the fear that nowadays independent things are dying out. I have a contrary opinion. What people like Alex Day show us, is that independent people are thriving, there is just not the general worldwide advertising they require. This is a crying shame. Not that these independent people should advertise themselves, by paying people to do so, that kind of defeats the point of being independent. However, there needs to be a platform for these people, led by the people who love listening to them, reading their work, visiting their shops.
It's always a huge shame when an independent shop goes under. I direct you to the film 'You've Got Mail.' It's very sad when Meg Ryan's children's bookshop gets closed in lieu of the arrival of Tom Hank's book megastore down the street. And it's a situation only two relatable to the situation we find ourselves in. Especially for artists of all disciplines. Amazon is not only putting independent shops out of business with their cheap books/cheap dvds/cheap everything. They are putting entire chains of shops out of business. I direct you to Borders, murdered by the Amazon giant. Waterstones and Barnes and Noble are also on shakey ground because of the online superstore giant.
I'm not going to say I don't use Amazon, of course I use Amazon, it's unavoidable, especially as a student with limited funds. But do you really want a high street that only has the word Amazon above every shop? It would be so boring, and more importantly it makes only the one person any richer, the person sitting at the top of the Amazon pyramid. And it's not fair. Why should the Rupert Murdoch type people of this world own the monopoly on everything? Money should be spread evenly amongst all the people who create the work that they produce. This opens up the avenue of self publishing. You can now upload any old writing you do on the side to the Amazon Kindle Store, and give Amazon a share of the profits. What about the publishers who make writing publishable? I can sit here and complain about my book being published all I like but the fact of the matter is I haven't produced something good enough to be published which is why I always strive to make what I write better. Editors and publishers deserve their place in the business, and Amazon is trying to put them out of the business in supposed 'fairness' to get everyone's work out into the public. But it's not about that. The people who become big through self publishing. The EL James type people in this world (the author who penned Fifty Shades of Grey) are only out for the money, not for the work. As are Amazon who helped her self publish the work in the first place.
I know it sounds like I'm contradicting myself. EL James was of course an independent person at first. However she is now published by a bona fide publishing house, and the fact of the matter is, her work is not up to the standard of other books published generally. The point of being independent, like Alex Day is that the work he produces would get signed, I have no doubt, there will be record labels snapping at his converse. And I'm sure they are. I don't fully understand Alex's position, all I know is that he's not signed, and from what I am aware happy to stay that way, under the independent producer DFTBA records, a vlogbrothers production. The point is that being independent can work. I'm not lauding book publishers, they are a business, and if you believe your work is good enough, then self publish, but you could start by doing so for free. There's a difference in wanting to get the work out there and selling out *cough* EL James *cough*
I've gone off on one, but the point remains, companies like Amazon are out to kill the independent people, not support them. They're trying to monopolise independence! And sneakily. And I think it's wrong. It's dog eat dog you might say, and I agree, which is where my dream comes in, and I really hope I can achieve it.
I want to set up a website, or a web magazine that promotes the new things you can all go out and experience in the world. It would have new music, new books, new theatre shows, new clothes, new art exhibitions, new vlog channels, new absolutely everything so people can click on them, and then go and experience what they want to experience. The problem with good art, I often find is that there is no platform for everyone to see it, or not as big a platform as there should be. I only found out about Alex Day by word of mouth. To be honest he doesn't need my help, that guy's going places, but I doubt anyone would disagree with a little bit more publicity from a fan who would just like to help. The same goes for The Craze who I really hope get places. And I'm not completely against self-publishing per-say, there are good self-published novels out there, and I would promote them too, along with all the new theatre shows you should go to as a theatre goer, along with everything else which people need to experience.
I'd also have on it a book club and a platform for people to talk, get to know each other, exchange ideas. If you have a band, and you need a bassist, then you could go to the website and there would be a section for people who wanted to promote their musical talents and new and exciting bands would be formed to be out there and in the public's ears. I'm excited, I hope you can tell, I have a lot of ideas, some of them rubbish, but I think this one has legs. The best thing about this website, if you want your stuff on there, it's free. A social networking site for stuff as well as people if you like, like MySpace but not rubbish.
I'd hope a website such as this would encourage people to go out and give their money to the independent people. The ones who create amazing stuff which gets overshadowed by the giants. The Twilights and the Fifty Shades of Grey of this world. The monopolised money spinning doommongers who suck the life out of anything vaguely creative. Don't go to Amazon go to a bookshop you found in a backstreet in Soho. It's the same book, and you keep them afloat and the person who wrote it gets more of your money. Don't give your money to the people who have too much of it already.
NewThings.co.uk. Watch this space.
Alex Day: http://www.youtube.com/user/nerimon
Tuesday 26 June 2012
Wednesday 20 June 2012
Blogging...With Style! or 'David Tries Applying for a Job He'll Never Get'
The other day I realised something interesting. I won't go into it again, I made a vlog about it on Youtube so if you'd like the full story of the following idea then here's the link: http://youtu.be/zB162UxEpCY. The idea being that I'd like to think that every so often, people like Walt Disney come along, and they come to rival the likes of Shakespeare with ideas and storytelling capabilities.
I've gone a bit Disney mad in the past few days. I do think that collectively, they are some of the best films ever made. They appeal to mostly everyone and, just like Shakespeare, they are timeless stories which will be enjoyed by viewers, I believe, forever.
What I'd like to blog about today though is Disney's sister company Pixar. The interesting story behind Pixar is that when it was first owned by Steve Jobs, it was rapidly losing money due to the fact that no one truly believed it could go anywhere as a film company. It's work included only small time advertising work and it's revenue barely covered the means. As a result of this Steve Jobs considered selling it. The company may well have faded into nothingness!
Imagine that! No Toy Story! No Bug's Life! No Incredibles! They have only made 13 feature films to date, and compared to the amount of films out there that's a microscopically tiny number, but just think the gap in our lives that would have been left if we didn't know who Woody and Buzz Lightyear were.
Because Toy Story made Pixar, thanks to Disney investing in the company and promising to distribute Toy Story (which went on to gross $350 million) we have these characters and this wonderful team of filmmakers in our lives. I only re-watched 'The Incredibles' for the first time today and I'd forgotten quite how good it was. What Disney and Pixar have always been good at, and the reason why I believe they surpass every film company out there is that they manage to do this with every single one of their films:
Accurately represented by this amusing GIF...
What does GIF stand for?...
A Graphics Interchange Format! Who knew? I find this interesting sometimes, how the acronyms sound amazing and catchy yet what they actually stand for is instantly forgettable. See I've already forgotten what GIF stands for. Like DVD, Digital Versatile Disc? Yawn. Or even Laser! Bet you didn't even know that was an acronym. It stands for 'Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission of Radiation.' Imagine how different Austin Powers would be without acronyms! 'Frickin' sharks with frickin' light-amplification-by-stimulated-emission-of-radiation beams attached to their frickin' heads!'
I apologise if you don't understand the reference. But anyway, as I was saying. Disney and Pixar have the capability, through their story telling, both in writing and visually, to get us right where we weren't expecting. Or 'right in the feels' as the internet says nowadays. Interestingly enough, the Avengers, from which that GIF is taken from, was written by Joss Whedon, the selfsame screenwriter who jointly with others, penned Toy Story. So it's no wonder that 'Avengers Assemble' is sitting pretty at 3rd in the all time gross list.
It appears as though everything Disney touches turns to gold. And I think this is a well earned trait for such an incredible bunch of storytellers. Everyone's got their favourites, and I think Pixar in particular have that extra spark of genius. The only downside to Disney proper, if you can call it a downside, is they are a re-teller of stories. And could even be described as an adaptation company. Jungle Book, Robin Hood, Alice in Wonderland, Hercules, Tarzan. All stories which already existed in some form. Though I would say, their skill is to take a story, like The Jungle Book which is notoriously difficult to read and more than likely a story otherwise destined for insignificance, if it weren't for Disney's re-telling. With expert voices, catchy songs, and characters you really don't want to die. I mean when Baloo the bear almost dies I cry every time! I even shed a tear for the Incredibles a couple of hours ago! Disney just capture the feelings that humans feel and give them back to us in ways we don't see coming as an audience. That is their genius I think.
What makes Pixar particularly special for me, however, and it's why I'd go as far to say - horror of horrors - I think they're better than Disney, *Ducks and hides from a barrage or insults and complaints*, is that their ideas and their stories are 100% original. I mean Toy Story. That's a dream we all have and we all believe when we're little. That our toys come to life when we're not looking, and even when we are looking. A child's mind can create the most amazing stories which are never heard by anyone else, and I bet you've all forgotten the ones you came up with. None of our toys match but as a child you make them match, you give them reasons to exist in the same world and that's incredible! That's why the team of Woody and Buzz against the evil Doctor Porkchop works. We all had an evil Doctor Porkchop as a child. Me and my brother used to (this is embarrassing but I care not) have so many toys and they lived in a world we created when we shared a room when we were really little. We had David's bed and Peter's bed and my teddy bear I've had since I was born was the King of David's bed and all our toys had adventures in the world we could see because we'd invented it. And you'll laugh but I'd bet everything I own that you did the same thing!
But that's why Toy Story is such a genius idea. That's why Bug's Life is amazing for the same reason, and Finding Nemo. Original stories which do everything that Disney does, but with that expert level of creativity, and they are, in my opinion, the only company around who create original stories anymore. I mean I loved the Avengers more than I could ever love any film, but that's a story that exists already. In comic book form but still, the ideas are already there for someone to make money out of. I hate to be cynical about something I really love but it's true. But Wall-E? And Up? Find me a film which tells those stories and I will buy you a house. The bit at the start of Up? It's been said by many people, but that was more romance and story-telling than Twilight did in 6 films or whatever the hell that money making racket is onto to now. Did we really need another vampire story?
Off the point. This is why, to be involved even slightly with a company like Pixar would be something beyond my wildest dreams. To be among the people who create these incredible films would be like David heaven. Therefore one day, when I'm qualified enough I will apply for a job at Pixar. I won't do it now, because I tried once before and I go so far in filling out the application and I realised I couldn't fill it out. They only want the best! And rightfully. So I'm afraid I've lied to you dear reader, I've not tried anything new today.
Ok I did.
And I'm ashamed to admit it, but I'd never seen the Incredibles before today. And I've never seen Finding Nemo or Ratatouille or Cars either. But within the next few days I will have. I've always told that little white lie before now because I really felt as though I should have! I always said 'I've seen it, but only once.' The ultimate deception. But I'm out there now, I've said it. And I feel like I've been rude to Pixar for not watching these films. But I did try something new today then. I tried the Incredibles and it's now among my favourites. I can't make a top 3 Pixar films because they're all my top Pixar films.
And that is why I cannot wait for Brave, or The Good Dinosaur, or their other, as yet unnamed film.
Ooooor, last but not least I can't wait for Monster's University where we find out how Mike and Sully became friends! I literally only just found this trailer now. It's 8 hours old! You heard it here first people!
In short well done Mr Lasseter.
Thursday 14 June 2012
The Church of Do What You Like or 'David Tries Being Ordained'
That's right folks it's happened, two blogs in one day.
I just became a minister in the Universal Life Church Monastery.
So...yeah.
Basically I just wanted to know how easy it was to become a minister. Turns out very! Literally took less than a minute and I'll receive my certificate of authenticity in a minute via email. I had a few reasons for doing this really. The first and most obvious being that this was a very easy new thing for me to try. I suppose I can call it a success! The second reason is that I do think it would be quite nice if anyone I know gets married, they could have me if they wanted! Just like Monica and Chandler did with Joey in Friends. Maybe that's just nice in my head. Probably wouldn't feel very official.
What got me thinking though is this is more than enough for some people. Of course actual reverends go on pilgrimages and do holy orders and get official documents and licenses. But then I can get all that, it says, on my confirmation email that I can marry people, absolve them of their sins and perform baptisms and last rites. I can also, if I really want to, set up my own religion. Why then is this any different to other religions?
Getting into controversial territory here but I'm keen for the debate. What makes my religion so fake? I so far have two possible titles:
I just became a minister in the Universal Life Church Monastery.
So...yeah.
Basically I just wanted to know how easy it was to become a minister. Turns out very! Literally took less than a minute and I'll receive my certificate of authenticity in a minute via email. I had a few reasons for doing this really. The first and most obvious being that this was a very easy new thing for me to try. I suppose I can call it a success! The second reason is that I do think it would be quite nice if anyone I know gets married, they could have me if they wanted! Just like Monica and Chandler did with Joey in Friends. Maybe that's just nice in my head. Probably wouldn't feel very official.
What got me thinking though is this is more than enough for some people. Of course actual reverends go on pilgrimages and do holy orders and get official documents and licenses. But then I can get all that, it says, on my confirmation email that I can marry people, absolve them of their sins and perform baptisms and last rites. I can also, if I really want to, set up my own religion. Why then is this any different to other religions?
Getting into controversial territory here but I'm keen for the debate. What makes my religion so fake? I so far have two possible titles:
- The Church of Sexy
- The Church of DWYL (Do What You Like)
To be honest I think my religion would be quite popular. You don't go to hell if you step on a snail and you can pretty much do as you please as long as you don't treat other people badly, if you do, you get reincarnated as a slug, or a sweaty codpiece for a fat wrestler. Or maybe just Phil Neville. Don't defy my religion I have the power! And anyway, Jedi's a religion! If they can have a religion and swing around toy lightsabers then I can have mine!
But jokes aside, technically my religion, save from having a holy text, has all the credentials of other religions. It says, on my email, that I can now officially use the title 'Reverend'. David Tries New Things has led me to a whole new box I can tick on forms. And I will! Next time I get a newspaper subscription or something, I'm definitely getting it sent to Rev. D. Steedman.
Now I'm not saying people should follow me, I don't want them to, unless it's on Twitter (https://twitter.com/#!/DaveSteed24) See what I did there? See that's divine intervention promoting my social networking sites.
But I'm really not saying people should follow me. It is strange though, how with just a tiny little form, using a password in which I used the word sexy (don't try and crack it, there's numbers in there too, foolproof) I became a minister of a religion, able to perform religious rights in the eyes of the law. It doesn't cost me anything, it was really quick and if I get a special placard printed out I can get free parking!
Personally I can't really see why what I just did is any different to what ministers in other religions have to do, it was just a lot easier. And you could say I was being insulting, but if I was being serious about this I could say you were being insulting to my new religion. What if I really believed in the Universal Church of Holy Life Monastery Thingy or whatever it was called. (I'm a really good minister) And I bet some people do. Why do they have any less right to believe they're married in the eyes of their God than the eyes of the Christian God, or Muslim God. To be honest, I liked the ethos of this universal church a lot more. It pretty much says, everyone's the same so treat each other good and you'll be alright. It's a lot like the Church of Sexy. Except in my church you get free biscuits, and we have beanbags not pews. And there's a live band at the alter every week. Next week's Red Hot Chili Peppers, I wanted Foo Fighters but they were double booked.
But this Universal Church seems to have a much more relaxed and in my opinion, better outlook on life. This will spawn outrage I'm sure. I really hope not, I'd like to debate about this with people. So comment and tell me what you think!
Oh God did I just join a cult? Expect the next blog to be titled 'David Tries Biting a Chicken's Head Off'. But to be honest, and this will bring more controversy. I can't really see the difference between a religion and a cult, a religion, in my opinion is a sort of approved cult. Obviously you get really weird cults, but a lot of people would consider a lot of things in religions weird too! It's just weird from different bits of the weird spectrum!
All in all I feel like I've accomplished a lot today. So if you need any sins absolved or anything, I'm your man! If I pay $26 I can even get some badges and candles to make the whole thing a lot more official!
Go now and live under the eyes of the Lord Sexy. He's cool, he has sunglasses.
Next Stop Shellfish of 'David Tries New Tasty Tasty Foods'
Before and now after my holiday I've felt like I needed one. You all know the feeling. Especially with the pressures and annoyances of living in this island we call Great Britain. The ultimate marmite nation. The drama of day to day life at uni in particular however, was a bit too much for me and my everyone needs to get along world view. Rudeness gets to me on a level that it really shouldn't. I won't go into things because that's what my blog is about. I just feel as though the last few blogs may have been affected in some way because of this. And for that I apologise.
Therefore, as of now, normal service is resumed.
So my Good Food magazine came this morning and my god, the taste sensations it teased me with. Over the past few months I've come to consider myself a huge foodie. Oh that's actually a word! I was expecting the red zigzag of doom. Or the green zigzag of doom even. What even is that? So I've made a mistake which is not quite as bad as my gross spelling error but the internet and word processing and general computerised spellchecking deems it necessary to bring to my attention. At least it's better than the paperclip. Although not quite as bad as the macbook beach-ball of doom.
Anyway being a foodie has, in many ways added a whole new level of happy experiences to my life. As a child I felt I was a fussy eater, I didn't like beans, or marzipan, or even pasta at a point! When you're from the family of pasta lovers that I am though I can sympathise with my younger self. I find it strange that as a child we tend to conflict the general thinking of adults around you until you start seeing their way. It's why everyone will probably end up voting conservative.
Foodie! Concentrate David. Since I came to uni, I pretty much subconsciously came to the decision that disliking such foods was a silly idea. Some stuck, it took me a long while to start liking baked beans for instance. I just always found the texture a bit strange, or squiffy, my word of the moment. But ever since I got that tasty full english breakfast at standsted and bravely decided to have it as it comes, beans and all, I haven't gone back. That first dip of toast into the beany goodness showed me what I've been missing out on! Next stop, boiled eggs, because then I can have soldiers and they're cool.
Being a foodie is a lot of fun I've found. Not being scared of new tastes is a new thing that I can try on a daily basis and it means that when I go to a new restaurant for instance, one of David's favourite past-times, I can try something new and exciting. Previous to this, in restaurants I'd always go for the steak or grill. Which is always tasty but a bit boring.
On another note, when I think the word 'grill' I'm always reminded of the Homer Simpson quote 'le grille? What the hell is that?!' Naturally the big bald buffoon is holding up a grill as he attempted to put together a barbecue using the french instructions. Classic 90s comedy.
But as I was saying, this means that recently, when I've been sat in a new restaurant I've been adventurous enough to try new foods. I'd always steered clear of ravioli for instance, because the David of old would have been scared of what was inside. However when I took the plunge on my recent trip to Rome I found out ricotta cheese is amazing and now among my favourite cheeses.
This meant therefore that when I was at Jamie Oliver's restaurant in Reading the other week for my brother's birthday (we're very posh my family) I was not in the least bit put off by Jamie's Ricotta cheesecake. Neither was I perturbed by the spaghetti fritters (deep fried spaghetti!) or the Italian nachos (deep fried ravioli) Therefore, once I'd been to Jamie's Italian and discovered that Mr Oliver really likes deep frying things, I also discovered that I had a whole host of new foods to add to my favourites list.
Also in Spain recently, I found a taste for green olives and I once again confirmed my love of swordfish. I found it delightfully meaty but soft and fishy at the same time. I can thank my university refectory for that. Which is surprising because that place was usually dire straits for foodies.
This means that I now stop to read menus wherever I can in restaurants when walking around. I can only dream of the monetary requirements necessary to stop and eat at them all. Therefore a nice moral to the end of this particular blog. Never be afraid of new foods. Precious few actually make you vomit on the spot. You need to go to I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here for those kind of delicacies, and I don't care how many stars it'll get me, putting a Kangaroo testicle in my mouth isn't what I want to be doing with my Saturday afternoons. Most foods however, surprisingly, are actually quite tasty. Especially in restaurants when you can more often than not trust the restauranteur in question that the tastes they've cobbled together on their menus do actually work! Trust me, be adventurous with food, you'll love it.
Although don't do what Johnny English does at the sushi bar and try something strange to impress a girl, you'll get your tie stuck in the conveyor belt and yes that's hilarious, but the girl gets away!
For me the next stop is shellfish. That mountain of strange yet obviously tasty food I have get to conquer! Wish me luck New Things fans!
P.S. If you've got a strange yet wonderfully tasty food you can recommend please leave a comment!
Therefore, as of now, normal service is resumed.
So my Good Food magazine came this morning and my god, the taste sensations it teased me with. Over the past few months I've come to consider myself a huge foodie. Oh that's actually a word! I was expecting the red zigzag of doom. Or the green zigzag of doom even. What even is that? So I've made a mistake which is not quite as bad as my gross spelling error but the internet and word processing and general computerised spellchecking deems it necessary to bring to my attention. At least it's better than the paperclip. Although not quite as bad as the macbook beach-ball of doom.
Anyway being a foodie has, in many ways added a whole new level of happy experiences to my life. As a child I felt I was a fussy eater, I didn't like beans, or marzipan, or even pasta at a point! When you're from the family of pasta lovers that I am though I can sympathise with my younger self. I find it strange that as a child we tend to conflict the general thinking of adults around you until you start seeing their way. It's why everyone will probably end up voting conservative.
Foodie! Concentrate David. Since I came to uni, I pretty much subconsciously came to the decision that disliking such foods was a silly idea. Some stuck, it took me a long while to start liking baked beans for instance. I just always found the texture a bit strange, or squiffy, my word of the moment. But ever since I got that tasty full english breakfast at standsted and bravely decided to have it as it comes, beans and all, I haven't gone back. That first dip of toast into the beany goodness showed me what I've been missing out on! Next stop, boiled eggs, because then I can have soldiers and they're cool.
Being a foodie is a lot of fun I've found. Not being scared of new tastes is a new thing that I can try on a daily basis and it means that when I go to a new restaurant for instance, one of David's favourite past-times, I can try something new and exciting. Previous to this, in restaurants I'd always go for the steak or grill. Which is always tasty but a bit boring.
On another note, when I think the word 'grill' I'm always reminded of the Homer Simpson quote 'le grille? What the hell is that?!' Naturally the big bald buffoon is holding up a grill as he attempted to put together a barbecue using the french instructions. Classic 90s comedy.
But as I was saying, this means that recently, when I've been sat in a new restaurant I've been adventurous enough to try new foods. I'd always steered clear of ravioli for instance, because the David of old would have been scared of what was inside. However when I took the plunge on my recent trip to Rome I found out ricotta cheese is amazing and now among my favourite cheeses.
This meant therefore that when I was at Jamie Oliver's restaurant in Reading the other week for my brother's birthday (we're very posh my family) I was not in the least bit put off by Jamie's Ricotta cheesecake. Neither was I perturbed by the spaghetti fritters (deep fried spaghetti!) or the Italian nachos (deep fried ravioli) Therefore, once I'd been to Jamie's Italian and discovered that Mr Oliver really likes deep frying things, I also discovered that I had a whole host of new foods to add to my favourites list.
Also in Spain recently, I found a taste for green olives and I once again confirmed my love of swordfish. I found it delightfully meaty but soft and fishy at the same time. I can thank my university refectory for that. Which is surprising because that place was usually dire straits for foodies.
This means that I now stop to read menus wherever I can in restaurants when walking around. I can only dream of the monetary requirements necessary to stop and eat at them all. Therefore a nice moral to the end of this particular blog. Never be afraid of new foods. Precious few actually make you vomit on the spot. You need to go to I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here for those kind of delicacies, and I don't care how many stars it'll get me, putting a Kangaroo testicle in my mouth isn't what I want to be doing with my Saturday afternoons. Most foods however, surprisingly, are actually quite tasty. Especially in restaurants when you can more often than not trust the restauranteur in question that the tastes they've cobbled together on their menus do actually work! Trust me, be adventurous with food, you'll love it.
Although don't do what Johnny English does at the sushi bar and try something strange to impress a girl, you'll get your tie stuck in the conveyor belt and yes that's hilarious, but the girl gets away!
For me the next stop is shellfish. That mountain of strange yet obviously tasty food I have get to conquer! Wish me luck New Things fans!
P.S. If you've got a strange yet wonderfully tasty food you can recommend please leave a comment!
Friday 8 June 2012
Yes! Boom! Satire! or 'David Tries Understanding the Universe'
You know who sucks? The Flash!
I mean what a completely pointless superhero. What kind of superpower is moving really fast? Sure, in the burning building scenario superspeed might be a bit helpful, and as superhero films have been showing us for years, superheroes often come into contact with the burning building scenario. It's like a right of passage for most. DC do tend to make some sucky superheroes though. I mean Aquaman? Really? A hero who can only be super in water. And even Superman. I would like to get in on the Superman hype, but I just think it's too easy for him! He's indestructible!
What about Kryptonite I hear you say! Oh you mean that element that doesn't naturally occur on earth? Do me a flavour! That's like saying I'm going to stay inside because I'm allergic to Koala Bears. I sincerely hope I'm not because those mother fuggers are cute. But visiting the other side of the world (though I want to) is a particularly long distance to travel, and coming into contact with a Koala Bear in my day to day life is slim to none. Therefore to call it my weakness would be a bit scaredycat-like of me. So there Superman, debunked by the Koala Bear theory. I'm going to get that put on a t-shirt.
I spend a vast amount of time thinking about superheroes. Too much time really, and watching a 'Charlieissocoollike' video on youtube yesterday (link at the end, watch, superfunny!) My thinking about stuff got put into perspective a bit. Basically, my thought about the Flash, though it took a good two paragraphs to explain, is insignificant in comparison to the size of the universe.
And the world's most obvious statement of the year goes to...
Bear with me, because I found this incredibly interesting. If you ignore my superheroic rant for a minute and just think of me as a person, or indeed you as a person. Think how small you are compared to the amount of people in your country. Tiny! In Great Britain alone there are 60 million people! But then comprehend exactly how tiny you are in relation to the world's population. That's over 7 billion people!
7 billion people! All having their own independent thoughts about superheroes or otherwise. And everyone's thoughts are important! Well, I say important, Nick Clegg is a member of the planet earth fan club whether we like it or not.
Yes! Boom! Satire!
Anyway, think how many thoughts are happening right now, because we are all thinking, it's the one thing you can't stop doing no matter how hard you try. If you try all you do is think about not thinking which, surprise surprise, is still thinking. We even think when we sleep, that's why we dream. But any one person's individual thoughts, compared to the amount of people on planet earth, are tiny to the point of a microscopic bit of fluff on the back of an amoeba. But think of the variety of thoughts! It's scary to think that while I think about superheroes, someone in a third world country is thinking about how they haven't got a piece of rice to their name. In a cave in the middle east somewhere a terrorist might be plotting to kill me with thousands of others. It's scary to think of the range of thoughts occurring at any one time. And I'm a little ashamed, when I think who would win in a fight between the Flash and Thor (Thor obviously) that there are much more important things going on in the world.
And how we treat our world too. I read in the Sunday Times the other day that a conservative MP in Lincolnshire has banned the building of windfarms in his county. I mean, really? On what basis? That they're ugly. First of all, I think windfarms are quite beautiful, awe inspiring things, and secondly, does he care about this planet at all? I'm not an eco-mentalist by any stretch of the imagination, but I spend a great deal of time thinking about the future and killing our planet is not the way to go about it. So explain that one David Cameron (initials DC, no coincidence that he shares it with the comic company which pedals vast amounts of suck. Metaphor? I think so.)
However, and I am getting to my universe point, worry not! When you consider the problem of building windfarms on the scale of how small that one windfarm is to the size of our solar system, you have to take a step back. Illustrated beautifully by this picture:
I mean what a completely pointless superhero. What kind of superpower is moving really fast? Sure, in the burning building scenario superspeed might be a bit helpful, and as superhero films have been showing us for years, superheroes often come into contact with the burning building scenario. It's like a right of passage for most. DC do tend to make some sucky superheroes though. I mean Aquaman? Really? A hero who can only be super in water. And even Superman. I would like to get in on the Superman hype, but I just think it's too easy for him! He's indestructible!
What about Kryptonite I hear you say! Oh you mean that element that doesn't naturally occur on earth? Do me a flavour! That's like saying I'm going to stay inside because I'm allergic to Koala Bears. I sincerely hope I'm not because those mother fuggers are cute. But visiting the other side of the world (though I want to) is a particularly long distance to travel, and coming into contact with a Koala Bear in my day to day life is slim to none. Therefore to call it my weakness would be a bit scaredycat-like of me. So there Superman, debunked by the Koala Bear theory. I'm going to get that put on a t-shirt.
I spend a vast amount of time thinking about superheroes. Too much time really, and watching a 'Charlieissocoollike' video on youtube yesterday (link at the end, watch, superfunny!) My thinking about stuff got put into perspective a bit. Basically, my thought about the Flash, though it took a good two paragraphs to explain, is insignificant in comparison to the size of the universe.
And the world's most obvious statement of the year goes to...
Bear with me, because I found this incredibly interesting. If you ignore my superheroic rant for a minute and just think of me as a person, or indeed you as a person. Think how small you are compared to the amount of people in your country. Tiny! In Great Britain alone there are 60 million people! But then comprehend exactly how tiny you are in relation to the world's population. That's over 7 billion people!
7 billion people! All having their own independent thoughts about superheroes or otherwise. And everyone's thoughts are important! Well, I say important, Nick Clegg is a member of the planet earth fan club whether we like it or not.
Yes! Boom! Satire!
Anyway, think how many thoughts are happening right now, because we are all thinking, it's the one thing you can't stop doing no matter how hard you try. If you try all you do is think about not thinking which, surprise surprise, is still thinking. We even think when we sleep, that's why we dream. But any one person's individual thoughts, compared to the amount of people on planet earth, are tiny to the point of a microscopic bit of fluff on the back of an amoeba. But think of the variety of thoughts! It's scary to think that while I think about superheroes, someone in a third world country is thinking about how they haven't got a piece of rice to their name. In a cave in the middle east somewhere a terrorist might be plotting to kill me with thousands of others. It's scary to think of the range of thoughts occurring at any one time. And I'm a little ashamed, when I think who would win in a fight between the Flash and Thor (Thor obviously) that there are much more important things going on in the world.
And how we treat our world too. I read in the Sunday Times the other day that a conservative MP in Lincolnshire has banned the building of windfarms in his county. I mean, really? On what basis? That they're ugly. First of all, I think windfarms are quite beautiful, awe inspiring things, and secondly, does he care about this planet at all? I'm not an eco-mentalist by any stretch of the imagination, but I spend a great deal of time thinking about the future and killing our planet is not the way to go about it. So explain that one David Cameron (initials DC, no coincidence that he shares it with the comic company which pedals vast amounts of suck. Metaphor? I think so.)
However, and I am getting to my universe point, worry not! When you consider the problem of building windfarms on the scale of how small that one windfarm is to the size of our solar system, you have to take a step back. Illustrated beautifully by this picture:
Look how small the earth is compared to the sun? I think Charlie said that you can fit the earth in the sun a million times over. And then you think, if the earth's so small compared to something that big, think how many times I could fit in the sun? And think how small my one thought about superheroes is compared to the 7 billion other thoughts in this solar system.
And then you have to take another step back because the universe is infinite. Forever expanding and creating new matter. To think that we were created here by the explosion of another star, that the chunks of rock and earth that were formed in the centre of that star were flung out and one rock settled at this perfect point from the sun so that we could evolve to live and breath naturally is frankly the most awe inspiring, amazing thing I've ever heard.
I can hear the raising of hands of religious folk who would say that this is no coincidence. That this must be divine intervention.
But it is coincidence.
I have no issue with religious people. I have some issue with people, religious or not that they try and impose their beliefs on others. The right to believe is a right that I have no qualm with so please don't call me up on this one sentence.
But if the universe is infinite, then there are an infinite number of solar systems and an infinite number of galaxies for hundreds of thousands of solar systems to swirl around in. It stands to reason that a few of these solar systems, or indeed most of them, would happen to become ideally placed to support life. I don't think it was divined by any higher being that this should happen. I do believe it a 100% certainty therefore that there is life on other planets. How can there possibly not be when you consider the vastness of the universe? That this one planet that can fit a million times into the one star that can fit a billion times in stars elsewhere in the cosmos, is the only one that can support life is frankly a little big-headed of us.
It's like the monkey/Shakespeare allegory. If you gave an infinite number of monkeys an infinite number of typewriters (going to adapt this for modern day) - If you gave an infinite number of monkeys, an infinite number of ipads, then eventually they'd come out with Shakespeare. I think that's a lot less amazing than it sounds. Or if you approach it from another perspective, more interesting than it sounds. I think the word 'infinite' is underestimated. It would really have to be an infinite number of monkeys. It's like Pi. Pi goes on forever so it stands to reason that within Pi every single conceivable combination of numbers will appear. Therefore if an infinite number of monkeys bashed on a touchscreen for long enough they'd come out with 'To be or not to be' because they'd (eventually) luckily stumble upon it. And it's the same with the universe, there are an infinite number of combinations in solar systems in distance from the sun, size of planet, type of atmosphere, that could possibly support life. Therefore it's 100% certain; well maybe not 100%, 99.99recurring% certain that this exact make up of a planet here on earth would occur elsewhere in the universe. And then you consider evolution. On other planets, almost certainly, other organisms would have evolved to suit themselves to the make up of their particular home planet. Suddenly science fiction doesn't seem so ridiculous. It's called science fiction for a reason, it's fiction with a base in science, or fact. When you get vastly different aliens all being able to breathe and survive on other planets, maybe that's a little more ridiculous, but it's not 100% improbable, that's what's amazing about the whole thing.
When I first realised this, the insignificance of my thoughts about superheroes scared me a bit. But then I started to think, and frankly I was inspired that people exist, on this planet, or have existed in the past, who worked this out. And that we, from our insignificant little corner of our galaxy, insignificant itself in the universe, can understand this about the universe, just from the power of thought and the thirst to gain knowledge, well I think that's pretty amazing.
I think thought is an amazing thing, and if there was one reason to be immortal, or to be the Doctor, or something similar would be to see the universe like this, and to understand things that humans probably aren't supposed to understand. But we're annoying like that, we like finding things out. So I'm always inspired when I come across people like Charlie McDonnell, or the Green brothers, or indeed any frighteningly intelligent people on youtube, or in blogs or indeed in real life. It inspires me that there will always be new Einsteins, and new Bachs, and new Shakespeares, because humans are just like that. We like to broaden our intelligence, and though it's insignificant universally, I think if at any one time you have a moment and you realise something that amazes you. Then universal insignificance kind of goes out of the window.
Therefore while insignificant in size compared to the universe, the power with which one tiny man or woman's thought can change the lives of 7 billion people is pretty incredible. That one person can write a book, or discover something that we all know is awe-inspiring to the point that all 7 billion people on planet earth should stand up this minute and give that person, alive or dead, a round of applause. I am! Right now because being grateful is important!
Therefore it also stands to reason that one day, off in the distant (or maybe not too distant) future; there will be men and women, and genuses that we have no names for will say/write/discover/sing/draw/cook things that will change an entire galaxy, or an entire universe even. Therefore the power of thought is an incredible, significant thing.
I mean we brought the Doctor back to life when the Master made him really old, that was pretty cool of us!
And then you have people who are interested in what Tulisa did this week. So tomato tomato really.
That doesn't really work when you write it.
Sunday 3 June 2012
I Like to Pretend My Dressing Gown is a Cape or 'David Tries Culture'
As my title proclaims without shame or holding back, I enjoy mornings where I can wear my dressing gown because this means I can use the tassley thingies to hold it behind me as I come down the stairs as though I am wearing a cape. This means for about four seconds I can pretend to be Darth Vader, or preferably Thor from the Avengers. I have this preference for two reasons.
But as I said, anyway.
I would really love to tell you that these strange asides that occur in my blogs are premeditated and that I'm clever enough to make my funny look spontaneous. Unfortunately I am this weird and these things just occur to me!
It may surprise you to learn that a 21 year old man who pretends he's Thor in the mornings went to the Tate Modern the day before yesterday. Believe it or not, I did, and hilarious moments were captured on film by my good friend Jocy as both me, her, Stu and Amy tried to figure out what any of the paintings hung in the gallery actually meant.
My favourite explanation of a painting was Stu's description of 'Curves and Circles' by Paule Vézelay:
- I am a comic book nerd
- I dislike baddies
But as I said, anyway.
I would really love to tell you that these strange asides that occur in my blogs are premeditated and that I'm clever enough to make my funny look spontaneous. Unfortunately I am this weird and these things just occur to me!
It may surprise you to learn that a 21 year old man who pretends he's Thor in the mornings went to the Tate Modern the day before yesterday. Believe it or not, I did, and hilarious moments were captured on film by my good friend Jocy as both me, her, Stu and Amy tried to figure out what any of the paintings hung in the gallery actually meant.
My favourite explanation of a painting was Stu's description of 'Curves and Circles' by Paule Vézelay:
According to Paule, the painting represents floating in an atmospheric space. We didn't even read this off of the placard next to the painting because Stu's description is so accurate. This painting is clearly a depiction of the squiggles in your vision which you can never really focus on. For that I must thank Vézelay, this is what they look like. What they are? Who knows, one of life's many unanswerable questions. If you have any idea what they actually are then please leave a comment! Also what are hiccups? I feel as though if you know what causes random squiggles in my eye you might be able to tell me why I hiccup a lot.
The Tate Modern, aside from having a whole two floors closed, the viewing of which would have totted up to a grand total of £45 each to see the three exhibitions we would have greatly liked to have seen. Has an excess of two things for me. Peculiar nudes and bodily functions.
Yes, great artists see it a great necessity to capture moments such as farting and weeing on canvas for the world to see. Why Picasso? It was not on my bucket list to see any woman fart or wee. Let alone at the same time, let alone a slightly podgy one with her nose in the wrong place! There was also a painting of a man with a champagne glass reclining on a couch with a very smug look on his face as if to say 'yes, this is my penis, enjoy.' What disturbs me is that this was a painting of that particular artist's student! I think he was holding a champagne glass. Maybe my mind slipped that in, just to add a touch of class to that most peculiar painting.
After being informed among other things that a cart represented a goat and that several lumps of what I can only describe as poo were actually representations of primordial animals. I think primordial, primeval maybe? Those animals which became bigger animals because of evolution. Don't say I'm not informative. Anyway after seeing all these things and as our meanings of paintings became better and better, I had an idea. I think that under every painting in any gallery there should be a little notebook, and on that notebook an art-enthusiast can record his or her own meaning of the painting. Then I would collect all this information in a book and I'd get rich. But still, capitalist ideas aside I think this is a good idea. I find it very interesting to hear what other people think of art, be it paintings, books, films or indeed anything created by someone else.
Needless to say our favourite part of the gallery was the giftshop. Me and Amy got pens in the shape of pencils! I kid you not! The rubber is the clicker and a pen nib comes out of the front! Our minds were more than blown. I wanted so many books though, I really wish that the Tate Modern shop was my library and I could just sit in there all day flicking through books on modernism getting increasingly more confused yet intelligent.
If I reached any conclusion as I was strolling round having a laugh with my friends about art, it was this:
I think art should be difficult, I don't like paintings which show just a grey blob. Or not even a blob, just a canvas painted the one shade of grey. I think art should show some degree of talent. Not something I can do on microsoft paint *cough* Kandinsky *cough*. People might disagree with me, please do via the comments bit, I just think if there's a message you want to communicate via a painting, fine, just do it in such a way which shows a bit of talent. Look at Picasso! You wouldn't call his work the most difficult looking but I'd defy any unartistic person to replicate a Picasso to the same standard.
I decided though that I have two favourite artists to add to my list which only included Van Gogh up to that moment. The first is Patrick Caulfield who Jocy showed us at the Tate Britain on a previous adventure. I think he just makes art in a very interesting way, half cartoony and half realist. I also like Magritte, no Matisse, no Magritte, the 'Ceci n'est pas un pipe' one. I like confusing myself and to be able to say 'a representation of a representation of a representation' in circles of upper class people before running away twiddling my moustache and cackling as my new identity as 'the Confuser' appeals only too much to me. Oo I could have a cape with a question mark on it.
See the cape did have a point.
Patrick Caulfield - After Lunch:
Rene Magritte - Ceci n'st pas une pipe:
I feel I should explain why I like Magritte's paintings so much. This one in particular, people would say 'it's a pipe' but it's not a pipe, it's a representation of a pipe. I hope this impresses people as much as it impresses me. I think it's a stage of postmodernism. There can be a painting of an easel looking out of a window with a painting of the view through the window. Of course there is no view through the window because it's a representation of a window, therefore the painting in the painting is a representation of a representation, and then the whole painting is actually a representation of this whole confusing extravaganza. I'm going to go and do some painting.
My friends Jocy and Amy are amazing vloggers on youtube, I'd highly recommend giving them a watch:
Jocy - http://www.youtube.com/user/AccioJellyBean
Amy - http://www.youtube.com/user/amzyydoodles
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