The Church of Do What You Like or 'David Tries Being Ordained'

That's right folks it's happened, two blogs in one day.

I just became a minister in the Universal Life Church Monastery.

So...yeah.

Basically I just wanted to know how easy it was to become a minister. Turns out very! Literally took less than a minute and I'll receive my certificate of authenticity in a minute via email. I had a few reasons for doing this really. The first and most obvious being that this was a very easy new thing for me to try. I suppose I can call it a success! The second reason is that I do think it would be quite nice if anyone I know gets married, they could have me if they wanted! Just like Monica and Chandler did with Joey in Friends. Maybe that's just nice in my head. Probably wouldn't feel very official.

What got me thinking though is this is more than enough for some people. Of course actual reverends go on pilgrimages and do holy orders and get official documents and licenses. But then I can get all that, it says, on my confirmation email that I can marry people, absolve them of their sins and perform baptisms and last rites. I can also, if I really want to, set up my own religion. Why then is this any different to other religions?

Getting into controversial territory here but I'm keen for the debate. What makes my religion so fake? I so far have two possible titles:

1. The Church of Sexy
2. The Church of DWYL (Do What You Like)

To be honest I think my religion would be quite popular. You don't go to hell if you step on a snail and you can pretty much do as you please as long as you don't treat other people badly, if you do, you get reincarnated as a slug, or a sweaty codpiece for a fat wrestler. Or maybe just Phil Neville. Don't defy my religion I have the power! And anyway, Jedi's a religion! If they can have a religion and swing around toy lightsabers then I can have mine!

But jokes aside, technically my religion, save from having a holy text, has all the credentials of other religions. It says, on my email, that I can now officially use the title 'Reverend'. David Tries New Things has led me to a whole new box I can tick on forms. And I will! Next time I get a newspaper subscription or something, I'm definitely getting it sent to Rev. D. Steedman.

Now I'm not saying people should follow me, I don't want them to, unless it's on Twitter (https://twitter.com/#!/DaveSteed24) See what I did there? See that's divine intervention promoting my social networking sites. 

But I'm really not saying people should follow me. It is strange though, how with just a tiny little form, using a password in which I used the word sexy (don't try and crack it, there's numbers in there too, foolproof) I became a minister of a religion, able to perform religious rights in the eyes of the law. It doesn't cost me anything, it was really quick and if I get a special placard printed out I can get free parking! 

Personally I can't really see why what I just did is any different to what ministers in other religions have to do, it was just a lot easier. And you could say I was being insulting, but if I was being serious about this I could say you were being insulting to my new religion. What if I really believed in the Universal Church of Holy Life Monastery Thingy or whatever it was called. (I'm a really good minister) And I bet some people do. Why do they have any less right to believe they're married in the eyes of their God than the eyes of the Christian God, or Muslim God. To be honest, I liked the ethos of this universal church a lot more. It pretty much says, everyone's the same so treat each other good and you'll be alright. It's a lot like the Church of Sexy. Except in my church you get free biscuits, and we have beanbags not pews. And there's a live band at the alter every week. Next week's Red Hot Chili Peppers, I wanted Foo Fighters but they were double booked. 

But this Universal Church seems to have a much more relaxed and in my opinion, better outlook on life. This will spawn outrage I'm sure. I really hope not, I'd like to debate about this with people. So comment and tell me what you think!

Oh God did I just join a cult? Expect the next blog to be titled 'David Tries Biting a Chicken's Head Off'. But to be honest, and this will bring more controversy. I can't really see the difference between a religion and a cult, a religion, in my opinion is a sort of approved cult. Obviously you get really weird cults, but a lot of people would consider a lot of things in religions weird too! It's just weird from different bits of the weird spectrum!

All in all I feel like I've accomplished a lot today. So if you need any sins absolved or anything, I'm your man! If I pay $26 I can even get some badges and candles to make the whole thing a lot more official!

Go now and live under the eyes of the Lord Sexy. He's cool, he has sunglasses.