I'm afraid I've lied to you dear reader, I have been in no way sensible. God knows I tried but I'm just too much weird to manage it!
It all started so well. I tried wet shaving yesterday and oh my god was it worth it! I've always been a dry shave and stubble trimmer kind of guy, but I just thought the other day 'you know what man-skill I really should master?' Of course I speak of the wet shave. It's featured so much in our TV culture, the father that teaches the son how to carve the hair from his face using a series of razors. Is there any more manly moment in the world? You might as well spit from a car, powersliding around a racetrack set on fire with vodka. Even that pales in comparison to using whatever Gilette-Fusion-Power-Stealth-Awesome-Sex-Device that you've decided to use to tidy up your face fuzz. Some consumer advice, the Gilette Fusion Stealth Power is actually a waste of money, do as I did and buy the Gilette Fusion Pro-glide. I know, it sounds a bit nancy but when you hold it and you feel the weight and man is with razor then you'll know you've made the right decision.
And the shaving gel! I've never had a more amazing substance on my face...that came out wrong. What I mean to say is, it starts off as gel, until you rub it in, and it explodes into some kind of crazy lubricating foam stuff! That's soap you idiot! I hear you cry but trust me it makes soap look like last season's chinos.
Anyhow, with this highly successful new thing tried and a beautifully closely shaved smooth face, I tried very hard to continue my sensible(ish) week by going to the gym this morning. I'm going on holiday next week with my friends and I'm determined to do something over the next few days about my takeaway belly. This means of course that I am now aching. What worries me is that the game of Kinect Sports I had with Stu and Simon last night has made me ache more than the gym. Either Microsoft has created the world's greatest fitness device or I'm doing the gym wrong.
I was quite proud of myself as I grabbed a Subway on the way home. (Only a 6 inch, getting a footlong after the gym would have been a bit like painting the wall of your living room a delightful shade of magnolia and then weeing all over it) I then had the world's greatest sit-down on my return and considered what to do with the rest of my day.
After watching Glee and League of Their Own, horror struck me. There was something I was supposed to do today. I was missing out on an opportunity that every man woman and child in the universe would hate me for passing up. If you have not done what I've just been to do then I implore you, go and do the same! There is still time.
Today in the Sun, there is a free UEFA Euro 2012 Poland-Ukraine Panini Football Sticker Album. Football stickers are one of my favourite things ever. Or they were when I was a bit younger. When the Sun Dream Team emailed me yesterday (I'm 2nd in our house league by the way, not bad) about this once in a lifetime deal, I was very much so excited and decided to not make a fool of myself and pass it up. Which is why I'm glad that the album is sat next to me on the sofa and I plan to get a job for the soul purpose of completing it. A feat which we all strive for but few manage.
My trip to Sainsbury's therefore was where my sensibleness or sensibilitude if you will (new word, use it wisely) promptly disappeared. It hadn't started well since I was only going to get a sticker album. But somewhere between watching Glee and dramatically miming Noel Gallagher songs on the walk there I went a bit mad. I shouldn't really be allowed to go to Sainsbury's by myself. Yes I bought milk and 48 Weetabix, a sensible breakfast option...
Just a quick aside, what is the point of Shredded Wheat? What a diabolical waste of breakfast! They're hollow for God's sake! Ian Botham tells us about their nutritional value from inside them, I've seen it on TV! But they're just so dull! I'd rather have Ricicles and no one wants Ricicles.
Anyway, I then bought Shampoo as I was out. A new Herbal Essences one, this once promising 'Renewed Colour' or something along those lines. (Really straight honest) An idea struck me as I browsed the brightly coloured hair-oriented delights that I maintain are in the aisle which clearly says 'Men's Toiletries'. All you girls are being so manly with Herbal Essences! Anyway, I suddenly thought, what if I combined Seductively Straight, with this colour one, with the one which adds volume! A shampoo I've always steered clear of, the last thing my tangled mess of hair needs is volume. But surely, if I combined it with the other two I'll have hair rivalled only by David Tennant and David Ginola! I could merely flick my hair and the ladies would flock around me in bikinis! I wouldn't even need Lynx. I'll have some kind of Super Shampoo! or Superpoo! Oh no, maybe not. It's a thought anyway.
I implore you to find a stranger man than I.
My trip to Sainsbury's was met with a small fail however. I did also attempt to buy a hanging basket of strawberries because I really like strawberries, but the item was recalled and the self checkout machine freaked out so I followed suit and ran away.
Some things even I won't be judged for and trying to buy a recalled hanging basket of strawberries is one of them.
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