Stately Plump Buck Mulligan... or 'David Tries Relaxing'

I have had two things stuck in my head all day. Firstly the words 'Stately plump Buck Mulligan.' This is the opening few words from Ulysses, a novel by James Joyce a topic which has featured in a previous blog. It is without a doubt the best book I have ever read, and I hate it.

This might confuse some readers, in my head the terms 'best' and 'my favourite' don't usually constitute the same set of books/films/music etc. I think the Godfather's amazing, I love watching it and I could write a considerably long essay about how I think it's the best film I've ever seen. It doesn't come anywhere near my top five though. It just doesn't have the rewatchability of Die Hard or Sleepless in Seattle for me. (Also through that statement you can see my strange range of film tastes)

Ulysses is the book form of the Godfather for me, quite long, quite complicated and brilliant. It took James Joyce 20 years to write and it is taking up most of my time to read. It amazes me how a man can write a 900 page book where every single sentence means something. There is nothing incidental, nothing pointless in this book. And it is amazing.

It is driving me insane.

I mean pretentious much? Needless to say I will not be revisiting this book like I've revisited Harry Potter. No Harry Potter probably doesn't have as much 'literary value' but to hell with literary value I like being relaxed and Ulysses does not do that for me. To read something so confusing and so heavy (in terms of what is in it and just general grams) is really taking it out of me, and I look forward to Christmas so I can say goodbye to it. I can confine it to my shelf and look at it occasionally thinking 'yeah, I read that' and feel jolly well proud of myself.

But I don't think it'll end there. I have a feeling this book won't leave me. Like the Odyssey (the book which it is set around) which I have studied at GCSE, A-Level, and now apparently university level. As my friend Ryan said to me earlier, it's come back to haunt me in Modernist form. Worryingly I not only think that it won't leave me, but that I won't want to leave it. I love finding stuff out and learning things and here is a book that no one has ever found everything from. No one likes it, no one would take the fucking thing on holiday, but people read it, people have talked about it and taken it to pieces for exactly 90 years. I think if I ever get into lecturing, as is one of my dreams, I will be teaching a module on the bloody thing. Because I think it's important to literature, I just can't bloody stand it.

Most things I come across nowadays, I quietly think to myself 'this requires study'. I moan about it like no one else, but I love studying literature. I am in the process of applying for an MA in children's literature. I'm loving my dissertation and I'm taking on another personal study next semester. Which brings me to the second thing which has been stuck in my head all day. The Oasis lyric 'if there's a God won't he give another chancer, an hour to sing for his soul.'

If Ulysses has been contested for 90 years, nothing has been contested like God. I don't know what I think about religion. I won't say anything for or against it because I want to study it. I find modernism almost forces me to think about these things, doing an essay on Nietzsche and statements like 'God is dead' is what should be held accountable for this blog. I find it so interesting and I do believe in something afterwards. I can't get my head around the fact that I'll stop being me. However this blind belief in some form of afterlife does not necessarily support a belief in the almighty. I don't like organised religion, personally I don't like how you have to pick one (for the time it takes up). Why are there so many? Why does there have to be a right one? Are any of them right? I don't know, so I'll be looking into that. My lecturers; scholars and logical minds, go to church and believe. I like to know people's beliefs, I like to know why, so I'll look into it. I don't like being told what to believe, by either side, I like to make my own decisions, so one day I'll take a look at that.

Human beings seem to have a habit of writing on things and people looking at these things a thousand years later and thinking they must have significance. This may have been what happened with the guy who thought up religion on a cave wall or the side of a pyramid. And this may have happened with Ulysses. I would love to have a time machine, visit James Joyce and discover that Ulysses is actually a 900 page book about a man farting, pooing, picking his nose and masturbating his way through a day, eating kidneys, going to funerals and nothing else. And all the literary references and everything else that has been picked apart from it is purely incidental. Until then however...

Stately plump Buck Mulligan...for fuck's sake.

It is because of these thoughts that Ulysses has given me, and doing essays on things like 'God is dead' and an endless stream of modernism travelling my way, I joined a snooker club. It's free for students and it relaxes me. I think it's the clack of the balls? Probably weird but hey, I'm a weird guy. So if you'd like to join me for a game and a chat about Nietzsche or James Joyce, find me at assorted Riley's snooker clubs drinking Guinness and having a lovely relax.

Sex and the City in No Way Influenced This Post or 'David Tries Being a Modern Man'

I guess I'm a modern man, I'm currently sitting up at 1.30 in the morning watching Sex and the City and I'm actually in a loving, extremely straight relationship. So sue me, it's funny! I suppose it's also inspired me to start writing this blog again, I love blogging, writing every day is something I plan on enforcing from now on as I realise it's the one thing I want to do with my life so I will always do it, whether I get paid pittance or total zilch, or (hopefully) the big bucks.

So it's been a while, and I guess I'd better mention the big change in my life, as will be the theme of this first blog back after my little summer break. I have a girlfriend. An extremely wonderful one called Charlotte, so when I mention a Charlotte in future blogs you'll know who she is.

I'd better start at the beginning. I warn you, only read on if you want to read about a relationship, if not, I'm afraid there's nothing for you here! I say modern man in my title because I happened to meet my girlfriend through Youtube of all places. That place where people, more often than not slightly mental people like myself post videos for a variety of reasons, music, to make people laugh, the joy of instant creation to be seen by possible millions, or - often - because they own a cat that can perform an amusing trick. I'd decided to read out a passage of 50 Shades of Grey for comedy value, Charlotte saw it when someone she was already subscribed to liked it. She followed me on Tumblr through a link I had in my description box, I saw she looked cute in her profile pic on there, plus liked The Fault in Our Stars, one of the greatest books ever written, so I messaged her. We spoke for a week straight without pause and then we met, and we kissed and four months on the conversation's still going.

Now I'm quite proud of myself. I'm not the luckiest with ladies, and finding the girl of my dreams through Youtube was certainly not how I envisioned meeting said girl of my dreams, but I did, and perfectly so. Truth is we live in a modern world, a world where it's easier than ever to meet people we would never usually meet. I'm sure a lot of people would here 'I met my girlfriend on Youtube' and think 'what?! Shock! Horror! Interrobang!*' or something of the sort. And in a way I whole-heartedly agree, there are a lot of weirdos on the internet so I in no way condone the random meeting of any old person. But if you're safe, i.e. as safe as you would be in real life, you'll be fine. I met Charlotte's family on that first meeting. And some of her friends and mutual loveliness was seen on both sides. I'd recommend anyone in a similar situation as Charlotte's parents do the same with any prospective weirdo from the internet! But of course I am not a weirdo...in that sense at least, hence the four month relationship (and counting). People on the internet, more often than not are just that, people. You're on the internet right now, and I believe we live in a changing world where stories like mine and Charlotte's are becoming more common. It's just a new way to meet people, friends or otherwise.

So I recommend taking the risk, I knew I liked Charlotte instantly, I think you do just know sometimes and it's something I had never experienced up to that point. People have told me in the past that I should be this and I should be that, but the truth is when you meet the right person you are exactly yourself and everything goes according to plan. I had watched a video by the youtuber Carrie Fletcher earlier in the day. I highly recommend watching her, she has this project called the things we never say project. The impetus in it's creation is for people to say the things they want to say that they never usually would. And with Charlotte I did, I know people would tell me not to say the things I said in that first conversation, but I did, and now we're in love. So my advice to anyone is if you really like someone it really is that simple, say what you want to say, if they don't respond well then they're not the right person, move on. Moving on was something I had failed to do to an extremely high degree up until that point in my life. But it worked and I'm happier than I could have ever possibly imagined.

To be honest, if I sit and think about the things and the tiny decisions which led me to Charlotte, I really can't believe it. Just one tiniest decision going the other way could have meant me never meeting her. If my friend Jocy had never introduced me to youtubing or John Green I would not be on youtube and in love with the writing which led me to her. If I'd never joined Tumblr she'd never have followed me on there, if any one of the girls I'd pursued in the past had said yes to me I'd maybe be with them. If I'd never subscribed to GQ I wouldn't have had the passage of 50 Shades of Grey to read out for that person to like on youtube. That person may not have ever started youtubing either, and that they might not have subscribed to me. The fact that out of the billion videos on that site Charlotte stumbled across mine is something that even now I fail to comprehend. And if I'd never started this blog I wouldn't have tried youtubing in the first place.

I'd like to say that our situation is unique, that it's special and magic and wonderful and it is; infinitely so, but every story like this is special and unique and magic to the couple and I think that's wonderful. Relationships are wonderful and the way they happen is wonderful.

The truth is internet, Charlotte is wonderful and I had to tell you our story as this is my favourite new thing and my most successful. Having a girlfriend and being in love is just about the best new thing I've rather wonderfully stumbled across.

* For those not in the know an Interrobang is the greatest of all punctuation marks, the combination of a question mark and an exclamation mark. I will be making a petition to have it included on all computer keyboards.

Blogging...With Style! or 'David Tries Applying for a Job He'll Never Get'

The other day I realised something interesting. I won't go into it again, I made a vlog about it on Youtube so if you'd like the full story of the following idea then here's the link: http://youtu.be/zB162UxEpCY. The idea being that I'd like to think that every so often, people like Walt Disney come along, and they come to rival the likes of Shakespeare with ideas and storytelling capabilities.

I've gone a bit Disney mad in the past few days. I do think that collectively, they are some of the best films ever made. They appeal to mostly everyone and, just like Shakespeare, they are timeless stories which will be enjoyed by viewers, I believe, forever. 

What I'd like to blog about today though is Disney's sister company Pixar. The interesting story behind Pixar is that when it was first owned by Steve Jobs, it was rapidly losing money due to the fact that no one truly believed it could go anywhere as a film company. It's work included only small time advertising work and it's revenue barely covered the means. As a result of this Steve Jobs considered selling it. The company may well have faded into nothingness!

Imagine that! No Toy Story! No Bug's Life! No Incredibles! They have only made 13 feature films to date, and compared to the amount of films out there that's a microscopically tiny number, but just think the gap in our lives that would have been left if we didn't know who Woody and Buzz Lightyear were. 

Because Toy Story made Pixar, thanks to Disney investing in the company and promising to distribute Toy Story (which went on to gross $350 million) we have these characters and this wonderful team of filmmakers in our lives. I only re-watched 'The Incredibles' for the first time today and I'd forgotten quite how good it was. What Disney and Pixar have always been good at, and the reason why I believe they surpass every film company out there is that they manage to do this with every single one of their films:

Accurately represented by this amusing GIF...

What does GIF stand for?...

A Graphics Interchange Format! Who knew? I find this interesting sometimes, how the acronyms sound amazing and catchy yet what they actually stand for is instantly forgettable. See I've already forgotten what GIF stands for. Like DVD, Digital Versatile Disc? Yawn. Or even Laser! Bet you didn't even know that was an acronym. It stands for 'Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission of Radiation.' Imagine how different Austin Powers would be without acronyms! 'Frickin' sharks with frickin' light-amplification-by-stimulated-emission-of-radiation beams attached to their frickin' heads!'

I apologise if you don't understand the reference. But anyway, as I was saying. Disney and Pixar have the capability, through their story telling, both in writing and visually, to get us right where we weren't expecting. Or 'right in the feels' as the internet says nowadays. Interestingly enough, the Avengers, from which that GIF is taken from, was written by Joss Whedon, the selfsame screenwriter who jointly with others, penned Toy Story. So it's no wonder that 'Avengers Assemble' is sitting pretty at 3rd in the all time gross list. 

It appears as though everything Disney touches turns to gold. And I think this is a well earned trait for such an incredible bunch of storytellers. Everyone's got their favourites, and I think Pixar in particular have that extra spark of genius. The only downside to Disney proper, if you can call it a downside, is they are a re-teller of stories. And could even be described as an adaptation company. Jungle Book, Robin Hood, Alice in Wonderland, Hercules, Tarzan. All stories which already existed in some form. Though I would say, their skill is to take a story, like The Jungle Book which is notoriously difficult to read and more than likely a story otherwise destined for insignificance, if it weren't for Disney's re-telling. With expert voices, catchy songs, and characters you really don't want to die. I mean when Baloo the bear almost dies I cry every time! I even shed a tear for the Incredibles a couple of hours ago! Disney just capture the feelings that humans feel and give them back to us in ways we don't see coming as an audience. That is their genius I think.

What makes Pixar particularly special for me, however, and it's why I'd go as far to say - horror of horrors - I think they're better than Disney, *Ducks and hides from a barrage or insults and complaints*, is that their ideas and their stories are 100% original. I mean Toy Story. That's a dream we all have and we all believe when we're little. That our toys come to life when we're not looking, and even when we are looking. A child's mind can create the most amazing stories which are never heard by anyone else, and I bet you've all forgotten the ones you came up with. None of our toys match but as a child you make them match, you give them reasons to exist in the same world and that's incredible! That's why the team of Woody and Buzz against the evil Doctor Porkchop works. We all had an evil Doctor Porkchop as a child. Me and my brother used to (this is embarrassing but I care not) have so many toys and they lived in a world we created when we shared a room when we were really little. We had David's bed and Peter's bed and my teddy bear I've had since I was born was the King of David's bed and all our toys had adventures in the world we could see because we'd invented it. And you'll laugh but I'd bet everything I own that you did the same thing! 

But that's why Toy Story is such a genius idea. That's why Bug's Life is amazing for the same reason, and Finding Nemo. Original stories which do everything that Disney does, but with that expert level of creativity, and they are, in my opinion, the only company around who create original stories anymore. I mean I loved the Avengers more than I could ever love any film, but that's a story that exists already. In comic book form but still, the ideas are already there for someone to make money out of. I hate to be cynical about something I really love but it's true. But Wall-E? And Up? Find me a film which tells those stories and I will buy you a house. The bit at the start of Up? It's been said by many people, but that was more romance and story-telling than Twilight did in 6 films or whatever the hell that money making racket is onto to now. Did we really need another vampire story?

Off the point. This is why, to be involved even slightly with a company like Pixar would be something beyond my wildest dreams. To be among the people who create these incredible films would be like David heaven. Therefore one day, when I'm qualified enough I will apply for a job at Pixar. I won't do it now, because I tried once before and I go so far in filling out the application and I realised I couldn't fill it out. They only want the best! And rightfully. So I'm afraid I've lied to you dear reader, I've not tried anything new today.

Ok I did.

And I'm ashamed to admit it, but I'd never seen the Incredibles before today. And I've never seen Finding Nemo or Ratatouille or Cars either. But within the next few days I will have. I've always told that little white lie before now because I really felt as though I should have! I always said 'I've seen it, but only once.' The ultimate deception. But I'm out there now, I've said it. And I feel like I've been rude to Pixar for not watching these films. But I did try something new today then. I tried the Incredibles and it's now among my favourites. I can't make a top 3 Pixar films because they're all my top Pixar films.

And that is why I cannot wait for Brave, or The Good Dinosaur, or their other, as yet unnamed film. 

Ooooor, last but not least I can't wait for Monster's University where we find out how Mike and Sully became friends! I literally only just found this trailer now. It's 8 hours old! You heard it here first people!

In short well done Mr Lasseter. 

Next Stop Shellfish of 'David Tries New Tasty Tasty Foods'

Before and now after my holiday I've felt like I needed one. You all know the feeling. Especially with the pressures and annoyances of living in this island we call Great Britain. The ultimate marmite nation. The drama of day to day life at uni in particular however, was a bit too much for me and my everyone needs to get along world view. Rudeness gets to me on a level that it really shouldn't. I won't go into things because that's what my blog is about. I just feel as though the last few blogs may have been affected in some way because of this. And for that I apologise.

Therefore, as of now, normal service is resumed.

So my Good Food magazine came this morning and my god, the taste sensations it teased me with. Over the past few months I've come to consider myself a huge foodie. Oh that's actually a word! I was expecting the red zigzag of doom. Or the green zigzag of doom even. What even is that? So I've made a mistake which is not quite as bad as my gross spelling error but the internet and word processing and general computerised spellchecking deems it necessary to bring to my attention. At least it's better than the paperclip. Although not quite as bad as the macbook beach-ball of doom.

Anyway being a foodie has, in many ways added a whole new level of happy experiences to my life. As a child I felt I was a fussy eater, I didn't like beans, or marzipan, or even pasta at a point! When you're from the family of pasta lovers that I am though I can sympathise with my younger self. I find it strange that as a child we tend to conflict the general thinking of adults around you until you start seeing their way. It's why everyone will probably end up voting conservative.

Foodie! Concentrate David. Since I came to uni, I pretty much subconsciously came to the decision that disliking such foods was a silly idea. Some stuck, it took me a long while to start liking baked beans for instance. I just always found the texture a bit strange, or squiffy, my word of the moment. But ever since I got that tasty full english breakfast at standsted and bravely decided to have it as it comes, beans and all, I haven't gone back. That first dip of toast into the beany goodness showed me what I've been missing out on! Next stop, boiled eggs, because then I can have soldiers and they're cool.

Being a foodie is a lot of fun I've found. Not being scared of new tastes is a new thing that I can try on a daily basis and it means that when I go to a new restaurant for instance, one of David's favourite past-times, I can try something new and exciting. Previous to this, in restaurants I'd always go for the steak or grill. Which is always tasty but a bit boring.

On another note, when I think the word 'grill' I'm always reminded of the Homer Simpson quote 'le grille? What the hell is that?!' Naturally the big bald buffoon is holding up a grill as he attempted to put together a barbecue using the french instructions. Classic 90s comedy.

But as I was saying, this means that recently, when I've been sat in a new restaurant I've been adventurous enough to try new foods. I'd always steered clear of ravioli for instance, because the David of old would have been scared of what was inside. However when I took the plunge on my recent trip to Rome I found out ricotta cheese is amazing and now among my favourite cheeses.

This meant therefore that when I was at Jamie Oliver's restaurant in Reading the other week for my brother's birthday (we're very posh my family) I was not in the least bit put off by Jamie's Ricotta cheesecake. Neither was I perturbed by the spaghetti fritters (deep fried spaghetti!) or the Italian nachos (deep fried ravioli) Therefore, once I'd been to Jamie's Italian and discovered that Mr Oliver really likes deep frying things, I also discovered that I had a whole host of new foods to add to my favourites list.

Also in Spain recently, I found a taste for green olives and I once again confirmed my love of swordfish. I found it delightfully meaty but soft and fishy at the same time. I can thank my university refectory for that. Which is surprising because that place was usually dire straits for foodies.

This means that I now stop to read menus wherever I can in restaurants when walking around. I can only dream of the monetary requirements necessary to stop and eat at them all. Therefore a nice moral to the end of this particular blog. Never be afraid of new foods. Precious few actually make you vomit on the spot. You need to go to I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here for those kind of delicacies, and I don't care how many stars it'll get me, putting a Kangaroo testicle in my mouth isn't what I want to be doing with my Saturday afternoons. Most foods however, surprisingly, are actually quite tasty. Especially in restaurants when you can more often than not trust the restauranteur in question that the tastes they've cobbled together on their menus do actually work! Trust me, be adventurous with food, you'll love it.

Although don't do what Johnny English does at the sushi bar and try something strange to impress a girl, you'll get your tie stuck in the conveyor belt and yes that's hilarious, but the girl gets away!

For me the next stop is shellfish. That mountain of strange yet obviously tasty food I have get to conquer! Wish me luck New Things fans!

P.S. If you've got a strange yet wonderfully tasty food you can recommend please leave a comment!

Yes! Boom! Satire! or 'David Tries Understanding the Universe'

You know who sucks? The Flash!

I mean what a completely pointless superhero. What kind of superpower is moving really fast? Sure, in the burning building scenario superspeed might be a bit helpful, and as superhero films have been showing us for years, superheroes often come into contact with the burning building scenario. It's like a right of passage for most. DC do tend to make some sucky superheroes though. I mean Aquaman? Really? A hero who can only be super in water. And even Superman. I would like to get in on the Superman hype, but I just think it's too easy for him! He's indestructible!

What about Kryptonite I hear you say! Oh you mean that element that doesn't naturally occur on earth? Do me a flavour! That's like saying I'm going to stay inside because I'm allergic to Koala Bears. I sincerely hope I'm not because those mother fuggers are cute. But visiting the other side of the world (though I want to) is a particularly long distance to travel, and coming into contact with a Koala Bear in my day to day life is slim to none. Therefore to call it my weakness would be a bit scaredycat-like of me. So there Superman, debunked by the Koala Bear theory. I'm going to get that put on a t-shirt.

I spend a vast amount of time thinking about superheroes. Too much time really, and watching a 'Charlieissocoollike' video on youtube yesterday (link at the end, watch, superfunny!) My thinking about stuff got put into perspective a bit. Basically, my thought about the Flash, though it took a good two paragraphs to explain, is insignificant in comparison to the size of the universe.

And the world's most obvious statement of the year goes to...

Bear with me, because I found this incredibly interesting. If you ignore my superheroic rant for a minute and just think of me as a person, or indeed you as a person. Think how small you are compared to the amount of people in your country. Tiny! In Great Britain alone there are 60 million people! But then comprehend exactly how tiny you are in relation to the world's population. That's over 7 billion people!

7 billion people! All having their own independent thoughts about superheroes or otherwise. And everyone's thoughts are important! Well, I say important, Nick Clegg is a member of the planet earth fan club whether we like it or not.

Yes! Boom! Satire!

Anyway, think how many thoughts are happening right now, because we are all thinking, it's the one thing you can't stop doing no matter how hard you try. If you try all you do is think about not thinking which, surprise surprise, is still thinking. We even think when we sleep, that's why we dream. But any one person's individual thoughts, compared to the amount of people on planet earth, are tiny to the point of a microscopic bit of fluff on the back of an amoeba. But think of the variety of thoughts! It's scary to think that while I think about superheroes, someone in a third world country is thinking about how they haven't got a piece of rice to their name. In a cave in the middle east somewhere a terrorist might be plotting to kill me with thousands of others. It's scary to think of the range of thoughts occurring at any one time. And I'm a little ashamed, when I think who would win in a fight between the Flash and Thor (Thor obviously) that there are much more important things going on in the world.

And how we treat our world too. I read in the Sunday Times the other day that a conservative MP in Lincolnshire has banned the building of windfarms in his county. I mean, really? On what basis? That they're ugly. First of all, I think windfarms are quite beautiful, awe inspiring things, and secondly, does he care about this planet at all? I'm not an eco-mentalist by any stretch of the imagination, but I spend a great deal of time thinking about the future and killing our planet is not the way to go about it. So explain that one David Cameron (initials DC, no coincidence that he shares it with the comic company which pedals vast amounts of suck. Metaphor? I think so.)

However, and I am getting to my universe point, worry not! When you consider the problem of building windfarms on the scale of how small that one windfarm is to the size of our solar system, you have to take a step back. Illustrated beautifully by this picture:

Look how small the earth is compared to the sun? I think Charlie said that you can fit the earth in the sun a million times over. And then you think, if the earth's so small compared to something that big, think how many times I could fit in the sun? And think how small my one thought about superheroes is compared to the 7 billion other thoughts in this solar system.

And then you have to take another step back because the universe is infinite. Forever expanding and creating new matter. To think that we were created here by the explosion of another star, that the chunks of rock and earth that were formed in the centre of that star were flung out and one rock settled at this perfect point from the sun so that we could evolve to live and breath naturally is frankly the most awe inspiring, amazing thing I've ever heard. 

I can hear the raising of hands of religious folk who would say that this is no coincidence. That this must be divine intervention.

But it is coincidence. 

I have no issue with religious people. I have some issue with people, religious or not that they try and impose their beliefs on others. The right to believe is a right that I have no qualm with so please don't call me up on this one sentence.

But if the universe is infinite, then there are an infinite number of solar systems and an infinite number of galaxies for hundreds of thousands of solar systems to swirl around in. It stands to reason that a few of these solar systems, or indeed most of them, would happen to become ideally placed to support life. I don't think it was divined by any higher being that this should happen. I do believe it a 100% certainty therefore that there is life on other planets. How can there possibly not be when you consider the vastness of the universe? That this one planet that can fit a million times into the one star that can fit a billion times in stars elsewhere in the cosmos, is the only one that can support life is frankly a little big-headed of us.

It's like the monkey/Shakespeare allegory. If you gave an infinite number of monkeys an infinite number of typewriters (going to adapt this for modern day) - If you gave an infinite number of monkeys, an infinite number of ipads, then eventually they'd come out with Shakespeare. I think that's a lot less amazing than it sounds. Or if you approach it from another perspective, more interesting than it sounds. I think the word 'infinite' is underestimated. It would really have to be an infinite number of monkeys. It's like Pi. Pi goes on forever so it stands to reason that within Pi every single conceivable combination of numbers will appear. Therefore if an infinite number of monkeys bashed on a touchscreen for long enough they'd come out with 'To be or not to be' because they'd (eventually) luckily stumble upon it. And it's the same with the universe, there are an infinite number of combinations in solar systems in distance from the sun, size of planet, type of atmosphere, that could possibly support life. Therefore it's 100% certain; well maybe not 100%, 99.99recurring% certain that this exact make up of a planet here on earth would occur elsewhere in the universe. And then you consider evolution. On other planets, almost certainly, other organisms would have evolved to suit themselves to the make up of their particular home planet. Suddenly science fiction doesn't seem so ridiculous. It's called science fiction for a reason, it's fiction with a base in science, or fact. When you get vastly different aliens all being able to breathe and survive on other planets, maybe that's a little more ridiculous, but it's not 100% improbable, that's what's amazing about the whole thing.

When I first realised this, the insignificance of my thoughts about superheroes scared me a bit. But then I started to think, and frankly I was inspired that people exist, on this planet, or have existed in the past, who worked this out. And that we, from our insignificant little corner of our galaxy, insignificant itself in the universe, can understand this about the universe, just from the power of thought and the thirst to gain knowledge, well I think that's pretty amazing.

I think thought is an amazing thing, and if there was one reason to be immortal, or to be the Doctor, or something similar would be to see the universe like this, and to understand things that humans probably aren't supposed to understand. But we're annoying like that, we like finding things out. So I'm always inspired when I come across people like Charlie McDonnell, or the Green brothers, or indeed any frighteningly intelligent people on youtube, or in blogs or indeed in real life. It inspires me that there will always be new Einsteins, and new Bachs, and new Shakespeares, because humans are just like that. We like to broaden our intelligence, and though it's insignificant universally, I think if at any one time you have a moment and you realise something that amazes you. Then universal insignificance kind of goes out of the window.

Therefore while insignificant in size compared to the universe, the power with which one tiny man or woman's thought can change the lives of 7 billion people is pretty incredible. That one person can write a book, or discover something that we all know is awe-inspiring to the point that all 7 billion people on planet earth should stand up this minute and give that person, alive or dead, a round of applause. I am! Right now because being grateful is important!

Therefore it also stands to reason that one day, off in the distant (or maybe not too distant) future; there will be men and women, and genuses that we have no names for will say/write/discover/sing/draw/cook things that will change an entire galaxy, or an entire universe even. Therefore the power of thought is an incredible, significant thing.

I mean we brought the Doctor back to life when the Master made him really old, that was pretty cool of us!

And then you have people who are interested in what Tulisa did this week. So tomato tomato really.

That doesn't really work when you write it.

Charlieissocoollike

Vlogbrothers

Kettlegate and the Taxi of Doom or 'David Tries Italy Episode One'

You might think it strange starting a blog about Italy talking about kettles. Probably a bit rude and uncontinental - oh that’s not a word, it should be! That’s mine, I’ve invented that, hands off! I’m going to be rich!

Anyway kettles. My dad is a huge fan of tea, as am I, and tea is a central part of my family’s lifestyle and I’m quite happy about this. It’s the most British of things a good old cup of tea with a saucer and a jaffa cake, in a mug suitably sized for dunking. I’ve recently discovered there are people who don’t dunk their biscuits in their tea! Isn’t that unconstitutional or something? I know we don’t have a constitution in Britain but if we did, rule number one would be ‘thou shalt dunk thy biscuit’. 

Because of this love of the hottest of tasty beverages however there arose an issue in my household. My dad suddenly became very worried that there would be no kettle in our hotel room. I know, a scary thought for anyone. Therefore, naturally, my wise old father decided that the only logical solution to this problem was to take our home kettle and put it in a suitcase and bring it across europe with us. Of course mum disagreed seeing that with Argos’ extensive range of travel kettles (2), taking a full-sized kitchen appliance cross-continent was stupid. These were not her exact words but this is a family friendly blog! These discussions continued throughout the whole time I returned home from uni until my dad finally relented and was forced to travel to Argos to shell out £14.99 for a travel kettle. The settling argument being mum’s ‘the kettle or me’. A shrewd womanly tactic which won through as I now sit in the rather nice Hotel Petra with the waft of darjeeling finding my nostrils. I did think it was a dangerous one. Words cannot describe how much the man loves tea. He’s like Wallace with cheese, so suffice to say, it was a close shave. *

This, an unlikely, rather humorous episode that can only occur in my family, therefore I’ve devoted the first part of my first Italian adventure to recount this to you. 

So many things I’d like to talk about! I think I’d better start at the beginning with my love for Stansted airport. So many eventful things occurred here! Firstly, (and fittingly) in an optimistic ‘trying new things’ mood, I had baked beans with my all day breakfast! It’s always been a source of annoyance to me (and probably others) that I’ve lived my life bean-phobic. I don’t know why, I think I found the texture strange or something when I was young. But today I tried them and my God they were good. That first forkful of sausage/bean/bacon/mushroom was a delight I wish to repeat and I can see for many years I’ve been foolish. Beans are good, and shall feature in my fried breakfasts from this day forward!

I do like Stansted, it’s set out so well! I always recount (and probably bore) people with my finding it impressive how it separates check-in, passport, control and shops in one big hall. And then there’s the Stansted magic rollercoaster rail thingy! The one that transports you to your gate with views of the runways! It always awakes a childlike joy in me when I get the chance to take a ride in it. I’m a very easily pleased human. My mum however never has a particularly good experience at my favourite airport. Twice her hand luggage was searched for bombs and/or drugs. I’ve never thought my mum looks like a drug pedalling terrorist but airport security clearly think otherwise! Poor mum! She’s lovely really! **

So after two hours of drinking Starbucks and trying on things I can’t afford in the Sunglasses Hut (the  favourite activity of any airport goer) we boarded our plane (me with luxurious foot-space but a worrying emergency door responsibility) and two short Kindle-laden hours later we landed in Roma!

Now to the crux of this blog. Taxi drivers.

An interesting fact I learnt on the Million Pound Drop the other day while me and my friend Jocy relaxed after dinner, was that the word ‘taxi’ is the same in all languages! Well, English, German and apparently Italian anyway. I’m an English student, this puts my nerd radar on red alert and now it’s a favourite fact of mine!

On following the helpful ‘Taxi’ sign in a sea of sexy looking Italian words we found our way into an equally sexy little white Fiat. I’d like to make the point that my dad was too scared to sit in the front with the taxi driver so I had to endure about 15 minutes of British embarrassed silence while having dance music forced into my ears. My dad’s ‘I forgot the passenger goes on that side’ excuse is a tad suspicious don’t you think? I don’t mind, I like being a man, and sitting in the front with the taxi driver on holiday is textbook man-zone. And I don’t usually act the man, I like to use Herbal Essenses ‘Tousle Me Softly’ for instance. And I very much like baking and home interiors. I care not, one day a lucky lady will enjoy soft tousleable hair, tasty cakes and a chic house to enjoy both these things in! So I like being the man at other times, like calling British Gas, and driving without a satnav and sitting with taxi drivers.

This was no ordinary taxi. This was Italy’s answer to Indiana Jones. This was the Taxi of Doom. I noticed on the (thankfully short) trip to the Hotel Petra, that Italian drivers are insane. I hate to stereotype. Alright, the cars I saw, and our taxi driver was insane. He was on his phone, using his opposite hand to change gear, weaving this way and that, complaining in fast Italian at even worse drivers. (I replied with a helpful, agreeable ‘hmmm’ to this) I constantly found myself checking my mirror and stabbing my foot at a brake pedal I didn’t have access to. 

Strangely I found myself thinking ‘So this is what it’s like to have a child’. One day off in the future, I’ll be sitting in an Apple iCar with my young excited child and I feel I’ll go through that experience all over again. Hopefully though my child won’t swear (presumably) in Italian at other drivers and look like Alice Cooper. Thankfully though I am still alive and itching to get out exploring Rome! 

I’m glad I started this blog, I always feel a bit unsettled on the first evening of a holiday. Especially when it’s night. But good old writing, saved the day again! Hope you enjoyed this part one of my Roman holiday! 

Ciao for now!

• I apologise for the in-joke if you haven’t seen Wallace and Gromit: A Close Shave. If you haven’t and you’d like to try a new thing today I’d highly recommend giving this or indeed any Wallace and Gromit a watch.

      ** My mum is actually an extremely lovely human lady whose activities include sending    hilarious texts during football and accompanying me to concerts because of a very cool taste in music! 

The World's Sexiest Bhaji or 'David Tries a New Curry Place'

Didn't think I'd post again so soon but I've got the blogging buzz! And I did try something new yesterday so here we are. What did I try you ask? Skydiving? Rob a bank? Engage in a cheeky bout of dogging?

No, (I'd like to make it clear that I never have, nor do I intend to dog, do you say dog? Or is it always dogging? I've gone smutty on my second blog, that's unfortunate. C'est la vie!) I tried a new curry house. Myself and my good friend Stuart like to think of ourselves as fast food connoisseurs, and it's always an exciting moment in our house when we try a new one. There was many an evening when we were disappointed by our ref (canteen)'s food at uni last year so we often found ourselves scouring the streets of Twickenham and Richmond to fill our bellies with tasty (heavily saturated) treats. I know, I hear you crying out, it's risky to live our lives so dangerously, but curry is and always will be a top notch dish to find on your table. And tell me (without blinking) that you don't want one right now?! Go on, pick up the menu, you know you want to!

I'd highly recommend Spice Dew in Twickenham, a good curry is hard to find! And there's nothing more disappointing than a rubbish takeaway. Well there probably are more disappointing things; rain when it's meant to be sunny, the film Memento, dyphtheria's a bit squiffy I hear. But I'm sure a rubbish takeaway ranks fairly highly at least on the list of the world's most disappointing things. You know when it looks good but all tastes the same? Or it's just all grease no food?

Spice Dew, aside from having quite a chucklesome name was excellent. I always have the conversation with assorted people about their choice of curry order. Personally (despite quite liking a bit of spice in my food) I generally plump for a good old fashioned lamb korma. Can't go wrong really! Naturally with peshwari naan and poppadoms. And bhajis, and oh my god were they good! I've had some good bhaji in my time but these were something special. I know this sounds like a 'that's what she said' moment, but I don't even care, they were that good. I'd go back just for them to be honest! They were juicy, and spiced with the condiments of the gods, if there are gods who enjoy condiments!

Now I'm sure to most, that's quite a namby pamby curry order, and people would call me a chicken for having a distinct lack of spice in my meal! I've just never understood the culture of having the hottest meal on the menu just to sit there half an hour later all teary and snotty! I like a good tasting meal, and korma and pasanda (which Spice Dew unfortunately didn't have) deliver ever time! I intend to branch out on my curry orders in the future, because I'm sure there's loads I'd like! What is a bhuna for example? And what in god's name does ordering sagaloo entail? These are questions to which I rather desperately want to know the answer. And David Tries New Things will go there! And then some!

Oh no I've used the phrase 'and then some', I think that's treason in some cultures, but never mind.

My favourite part of the Spice Dew experience was the delivery man. Suited and booted, cheery and cool-box laden, he marched to the door as happy as a mouse in a cheese factory. I had to stifle many a giggle as he did this and then greeted me, and to be honest he looked like he had the best job in the world! I'd have tipped him if I hadn't pre-paid. Maybe he was a 'you had to be there' delivery man, you get them sometimes.

It's no wonder I've had to join a gym.

Oh Blogging Hell or 'David Tries a Scratch-card'

Hello!
A fine start to my blogging career I feel.

I've always wanted to try my hand at this blogging business, and silly excuses have always held me back. There is no actual excuse though in this day and age I feel to call yourself a writer and not publish your writing in the simplest of ways. Faced by this worrying realisation I decided I'd better get a move on with the whole thing. My biggest obstacle has always been the continual feeling of being stumped as to what to write about. I do write though, a theme of this blog will be my striving to get my first novel published. I spoke to a literary agent not two hours ago at my university and hold her business card in my hand as I blog to you! Well not in my hand, I'm typing, a renowned two handed activity, but it's nearby I assure you!

I have a vast array of things near to me, and it was these and other things which led me to my blog idea, my thing to write about. I realise that I buy an awful lot of things that you'd probably say I don't need being a student of minimal funds. However I continue to buy books, and films, and magazines, and new, unusual exciting foods to tickle my taste-buds. I figured why not write about this! And then move onto other things. I decided that if I could I'd try something new at least once a week and then record my findings in the hope that someone might be interested. Today for instance I bought a GQ magazine, not at all enticed by the sexy lady on the glossy front cover. And the other day I bought 'Photography for Dummies', my latest attempt to be jack of all trades at all things creative. So expect many moody, artsy-fartsy, yet ultimately quite rubbish photos of things around my lovely Twickenham student house in blogs to come!

Therefore my blog will be one of many forms, sometimes book reviews, sometimes film reviews, or food reviews as anyone who knows me will tell you I have a vast array of cookbooks in the hope that I'll absorb some kind of actual cookery talent and create some recipes of my own. Quickly, to encompass my blog's raison d'etre (that's right, I went French on you) ...probably could have worded that differently, but I come to my 'new thing' for today, or yesterday rather.

I digress, yesterday I found a scratch-card in one of my many magazine subscriptions. I'm sure as most magazine readers (and I'm in the 'aholic' category) do, on opening my shiny new Empire magazine proclaiming that I'll be intrigued by Prometheus, a rather cool, yet terrifying prequel to the Alien series, a scratch-card fell into my lap. Naturally I scratched it, and as always I found I'd won. Instead of having a moan as I'm sure my dad would do about scams, I decided to text the number I had been given to see if I'd won £1 million. What a coup for my first blog! A million smackers sitting in my back pocket to spend on all the new things I could dream of!

Alas I didn't win a million pounds, however I did win (allegedly - still skeptical yet ever-hopeful) a trip for two on a posh Thames cruise, and a trip to a similarly posh salon to get a free expensive haircut! Not perturbed by my lack of £1 million, I'm going to follow this up and use the code they gave me to see if I can blog from the Thames, preferably with some kind of supermodel looking girl at my side sipping champagne.

I managed to attract her because of my sexy free haircut.

So I shall keep you posted on my quest to get many nice things for minimal effort or money. Surely the task of any student.

I hope you read this and my following entries on here. Well I guess you have now being at this end of the post!

There, that was rather painless, hope to see you again on here soon.

DS :)