Niall Whatshisname or 'David Tries Being Young and Hip'

Checking the Twitter trends each morning has become a bit of a habit for me. Usually I'm in search of that day's hot topic. Sometimes Twitter delivers. Yesterday for example, I discovered that Michael Gove had been reshuffled in Cameron's cabinet and is no longer Education Secretary (rejoice!). The trend was #GoneGove. Though I was disappointed this was not the eagerly awaited sequel to a Gillian Flynn novel, Twitter did its job. I, with my lazy, first world brain had gotten hold of some news.

Today however I check Twitter and what do I see? One, it is someone called Theo's birthday. Equally enrapturing I find that the trend #NiallTakeASelfieWithTheo is keeping Tweeters occupied across the land. Now I'm a light-hearted chappy when I want to be, but I want to pose the question: is this country in dire need of going outside?

I know the weather here's drizzly at best the vast majority of the time, but really? Niall Whatshisname from One Direction's nephew is one today. Why does seeing them in an image together beat everything else to become today's most talked about thing? A child in the world is a joyous thing, and I have no problem with Niall from One Direction. However the sheer volume of demands from Tweeters to desperately see a child they don't know is a peculiar site to behold.

I think I'm getting old before my years. I'm approaching 24 and I believe I'm entering the window of my life where I'm often confused by some things young people (and some slightly worrying older people) do. I don't really want this to happen. On the one hand I love being young. The full use of my hips, the hope for a long and illustrious career, the so-far lack of wrinkles. These things are wonderful. However, some days I wonder if celebrity culture has gone a little too far. This is how I know I'm beginning to settle into my slippers and find myself powerless to prevent it.

I feel sorry for the celebrities. They are in fact just blokes and lasses, regular joes and janes who we decide are better than us and deserve to be lauded to the point that a nation cries out for an image of them on Snapchat or Instagram or Twitter or Tumblr or Pinterest or a combination of the above.

I worry I'm becoming an old grumpus. Maybe I should join the masses and wait, eagerly for the immenent iPhone image of Whatshisname and Theo. Then I look out of my window. It's sunny outside. We are a nation of cheese rollers and black-pudding throwers and May Day festival dancers.

In the words of Hugh Grant in Love, Actually - the only PM I'm likely to listen to: 'we're the country of William Shakespeare, Churchill, The Beatles, Sean Connery, Harry Potter. David Beckham's right foot, David Beckham's left foot for that matter.' Maybe if we weren't so concerned with images of these pretty people and aspired to do great things with our days, we would have some national pride. We should. Get out into the world, read a book, write a book, bake a cake, hold a large and ridiculous event for charity. Invite a friend over and watch that classic film you've always wondered about. Go on a long road trip with no destination and find some corner of the country where brilliant things happen. We're a great country, but only when we want it to be.

I hate to add gloom to happiness but togetherness is a tremendous thing. So maybe if we were all as like-minded as Tweeters are in wanting to see pictures of 1D, on things such as equal rights for all, ending poverty and doing something about the stupid wages of footballers, the world would be a better place to live in.

This Sunday I attend the Hastings Pirate Day and dress up as a pirate along with an entire town for the third year running. I'll see family and friends and drink drinks and enjoy the sun and the beach (hopefully). I'd urge people to do the same. Maybe that dangerous, scary, doom ridden outside is a little more interesting than what One Direction did today.

Maybe I'll take a selfie.

What is Facebook for? or 'David Tries Being Socially Savvy'

Seriously though. I'm not questioning the existence of Facebook or any social media site. Checking Facebook is one of the first things I do in the morning. Because I'm bored? Because I'm nosy? Because I'm a fidgeter and I don't smoke?

I do ask myself the question a lot: what is Facebook for? As in - what are we supposed to put on Facebook and do different social media sites require different types of content from their users?

We get asked that same question every day. Several times for most of us. 'What's on your mind?' For those of us who don't really pay attention (me included) that's what Facebook asks in it's status bar. A lot of people will look at this and think it's a rant about what people put on Facebook. And I could. I probably will. But my argument isn't exactly what people put on there. My qualm is with Facebook itself.

It annoys me in a lot of ways. I don't think anyone who owns Facebook isn't annoyed by some of what their friends put on it. I bet I'm a huge culprit of this. Sometimes, as I put up my latest status, a photo, my latest page of my Page a Day project - does anyone really care?

But then what is it for? Who am I to say what someone decides to put on their personal Facebook page. I do believe there are some limits though. I am strongly against internet bullying. I've fallen out with people because I didn't agree what they put on their Facebook because some things are just offensive. I stick by my guns to this day, because as strong (and right) as freedom of speech is, sometimes I think you have to wonder. Will what I'm putting out their for the internet to see be offensive to someone? If the answer is yes, then maybe think about what you're writing.

Very few people actually want to cause offense. And if you want to put your opinion as your status that's absolutely fine, just construct it in a way that sounds like a debate, not an outright accusation or insult. And that's something I see every day. Not a lot on Facebook, but on Twitter and especially Tumblr, that wonderful land where everyone has an opinion and everyone is always right so help them God.

So I'd never say people shouldn't put their opinions on Facebook. That's censorship, against human rights and just a little bit Nazi. But thinking about the words that come out of our mouth should extend to our typing fingers. We grow up being told to think about what we're saying. I do think some people need to consider what they put on the internet.

So what is it for? Debate? Showing off is a big one. Sometimes we use Facebook to show our wares, our latest holiday, shiny new car or purchase. Sometimes I think the world was better without it. Because sometimes I sit there, look at someone showing off and Peter Griffin jumps into my head. 'Who the hell cares?'

But of course some people do. Family and friends who actually want to see people do well. Facebook's wonderful for that. So the fault there might lie with me. Am I bitter for seeing someone with a better day than mine? The answer, usually is yes. So who's in the wrong? Nobody really other than Facebook itself. But then wouldn't small updates about your day be more suited to Twitter? That stream of snippets of our thoughts, days and whims?

Is anything that breeds jealousy a good thing? But then is that our own faults as jealous people. More often than not I'm just inclined to side with Peter Griffin. But it's an interesting debate. One I'm sure that will kick off on Facebook. Most likely in capital letters.

Facebook is the land of the misconstrued. The place where we discover that sarcasm really doesn't translate online. Everyone's looking for an argument and everyone has an opinion to give. Do we have a right to? Yes. Is it tiring sometimes. Yes. Should I stop thinking about it? Probably.

A lot of people who know me will smell a double standard. I met my girlfriend of 2 years because of the internet. Through YouTube video blogs and then Tumblr. We spent a year living 80 miles apart and Facebook made that a lot easier. Facebook has a thousand plus points to balance the negatives. The internet is a wonderful place. Here is an infinite land where everyone is connected and you can create content: videos, films, books, blogs, art, plays, anything you desire and most of it is completely free. Like most things on earth you can always find a flip side. The half of the glass that's full. So I am enternally grateful for the internet.

So what is Facebook for? Procrastinating? Showing off? Taking away the necessity for conversation and actually having friends? What's the point when there's a handy like button to show that you're still hanging around. I like to think a big reason me and Charlotte celebrate our 2 year anniversary in just under two weeks is that our relationship wasn't exclusively on Facebook. We made the time for each other in spite of those 80 miles.

We're all culprits of the Facebook downsides, that's the annoying thing. Some days, when I look at Facebook and consider all these things I do wonder. We were probably better off without.

Will that stop me going on it every 5 minutes?

The internet has us. There is no escape.

Don't get me started on Tumblr.

An Ode to Earl Grey or 'David Tries Being a Published Writer'

As of 12 o'clock today, 28th March 2013, I can call myself a published writer. My first ever published piece of work, a film review of the Frenchiest of French films 'In the House' or 'Dans La Maison' for the more European among us, can be read here on the movie website 'The Hollywood News' which I now write for. http://www.thehollywoodnews.com/2013/03/28/in-the-house-review/

I apologise as I didn't talk about my trip to the screening, in a very plush little cinema near Charlotte Street in London. This very much constituted my criteria as a 'new thing' I tried, and it was my greatest success to date. After obtaining the email address of the editor of The Hollywood News from Matt Dennis, my friend and another writer for the website (further cementing the mantra of 'it's who you know') I wrote a sample piece and soon found myself invited to the screening. On arriving, slightly nervous and donning an embarrassingly large bag of uni books, the mini library I find myself carting round in this final semester, I was greeted by a cheery lady who ticked my name on a guestlist and invited me to enjoy a beer, a glass of wine and some posh crisps. Naturally being the discerning gentleman I am I chose the beer and commenced to enjoy the delights of being a VIP.

On entering the screening, past a heavy metal door which wouldn't have looked out of place at NASA I soon found myself enjoying the piece of high culture Film Festival beating movie which you can read about above. I found the whole experience one of the most enjoyable things I have ever done and the very fact that people do this for a living and get paid set in me the very same feeling I had when I was 9 and I read Stormbreaker by Anthony Horowitz and decided I wanted to write books. Yes it's difficult to make notes in a dark film theatre but I loved it, and I want to return next time dressed slightly better and not carrying my library with me. I have the attitude to things like getting into writing that 'if others can do it, so can I.'

I think it's an important point for any writer to learn early is that no writer merely writes in one style, in one means, and in particular, no writer writes occasionally. For example, no one just writes books. I'd dare anyone to find me an author these days who doesn't write articles, or keep a blog, or write poems on the side. It's just something you have to do to keep your hand in, and it's taken me quite a while to fully realise that. And it's good, because lets face it, writing's boring.

Shock horror I hear you say, but it is, if you just sit writing one thing forever you'll always get bored with it, same as if you watch 3 films for the rest of your life. There is nothing better than the thrill of completion and it's very hard to complete a novel, so why not aim smaller, there are so many freelance and free writing opportunities out there that people would be silly to pass them up.

And go do a degree! My god go do a degree. If you like to write go study English or Creative Writing or anything heavily essay based, or if your talents and interests lie in video production or similar, go study media or Film. These degrees, from a writing perspective do what all the little pieces of writing do, you keep your hand in. Yes you just wrote an essay on the Postmodern Condition in Kurt Vonnegut, or whether or not Kanzi the monkey can talk. Yes you'll never read them again, but you wrote it. You wrote it and got a good mark for it and it's almost the same as being published. It's that validation which says 'see those words you just wrote on that bit of paper? They're damn good, I'd like to see more of your words on bits of paper.' And for god's sake if you want to write read. Read lots, read anything. Read newspapers (The Times has really good writing in it) read magazines, read poems written on the inside of tube trains. And read books. Read every book you can get your hands on and if you do all that, look back on the things you wrote a year ago and you'll shock yourself with how bad you used to be and how good you are now.

So keep a blog, write poems, do a degree and just write. And talk about writing. The mantra of 'it's who you know' exists for a reason. For a calling in life which is quite solitary, through wonderful places like Twitter and Tumblr and creative commons websites like Ideastap and Figment, you can network with other writers and before you know it you can say 'it's who you know' in a disgruntled tone and then realise you know someone who could help. And then ask for help, because on the whole people are lovely and want to help. That's what I did and I'm not saying I've arrived because that'd be near sighted of me. But I have something I wrote, published on a website for the world to see. And one day I hope a lot more people read these too, because I write for people. My aim is for lots.

And do you want to know the real secret to success in writing and university? Earl Grey tea. The stuff's better than crack I swear.

The Monster Ate all my Cards! or 'David Tries Climbing a Magic Mountain'

No I'm not on an acid trip. Well what I tried was very trippy but I've not consumed anything adverse. I'm talking about a video game sadly for those of you who see video games as pointless and silly. If you're going to play one though and there's a PS3 anywhere near your current vicinity, I'd recommend hopping onboard the Playstation Network and spending £9.99 of your hard earned pounds and pennies on this game.

It was just, wow! Is my response to it. I wish I could have filmed me playing it, because from my housemate's reactions it was a funny sight to behold. It was first brought to my attention by the humorous tweets of Dara O'Briain. Who I'd recommend following if you don't already, a very prolific twitterist. And an avid gamer if the hilarious section of his last tour is anything to go by! I remember annoying the people  around me with my hysteric cackle. He communicated the frustrating annoyance of stabbing at your controller and hitting 'toggle maps' or how every game in the world has a different button for 'crouch'.

Anyway, based on this, I trust his gaming judgement. I'm not a huge gamer, I have somehow collected all three main consoles over a number of years but if I play for longer than an hour I get a headache because I'm an old man. So my relationship with video games is - I like them and I'm always impressed with the latest advances in them, but I'm not on them all the time.

This was something a bit special. It's made by ThatGameCompany who have only made a couple of games before, a reportedly equally trippy Snake-like creation called Flow, and something that looked a bit airy-fairy by the picture on Wikipedia called Flowers. Journey took my breath away and my decision to buy it was based on a reply tweet from the big man himself! I asked Dara 'Journey yea or nay?' and he replied 'Journey, definitely yea' So about an hour of download later I was playing.

It's so different to any other game I've ever played. First of all the graphics are stunning. You take your simple cloaky character through a series of locations, I won't ruin it for you but you start in a desert and lets just say when you get to snow your breath gets taken away. I got very into it, apparently making scared noises and getting very sad when a monster attacked my little man who can't attack back! It was very cruel of the monster I thought!

It's so hard to describe, the only real objective is to journey (surprise surprise) towards this mountain, it shines and you want to get there. The vast majority of the game is moving towards shiny things. I'm not selling this very well. It only takes about an hour and a half to complete but it's genius, there are only a few controls, and you're never entirely sure what you're doing but you carry on playing and then you get to the end (SPOILER) and it catapults you straight back to the start and I'd play it all over again. I suppose they're probably trying to make some kind of profound statement about life but I'd play it again just for the mouth-dropping scenery and you never know something else might happen this time! What if there are different journeys and different ways to get to the mountain?! What if I can get my own back against the scary dragon monsters that attack me and eat my shiny jumping cards? (You get the ability to jump by absorbing this floating pieces of magic (probably)).

Or alternatively you can give your online playmates a jump by standing next to them. This is the other amazing thing about Journey. It's all online, everyone who plays is put into the same world and you journey together and sometimes help each other to get past obstacle. You can't talk you just help each other, and you can't hurt each other. I felt I should play the Beatles or the Grateful Dead, throw on some tie-dye and start swaying singing kum-bay-ya.

In short, I climbed the magic mountain, and I'd do it again.

I am this geeky, but I got a reply tweet from Dara O'Briain, worth it.

Oh and I also joined Pottermore, duel me! SeerWatch8159. A blog for another day when I figure out how to defeat Quirrell and Voldemort.